FABULOUS FORTIES

Yet another birthday went by!

This one was a big one, but made no noise!

 

It came silently and crept out in the quiet of the night as quietly as it came in~!

I spent it with lots of time spent in thinking while running and cycling -42 kms in total to mark the magical age!

It made me realise what was important in life for me in my forties.....

Here are 40 thoughts on the wonderful forties!

 

1.    Parents- give time to your parents, just as you are getting old, so are they! Listen to them, even if they ramble!

2.    Friends- They are the ones who will be there when the children have all gone away. They will be the best support system.

3.    Love- fall in love with your spouse, pet, life! Gives a reason to smile!

4.    Books – reading makes you so knowledgeable and worldly wise- It exposes you to otherwise unknown cultures and lives

5.    Running- never too late to run, I completed my first full marathon in my forties! Even a 30 minute run every 3 days is enough to keep you energetic!

6.    Cycling- Not as bad on the knees – it keeps you sexy enough to fit into your favourite jeans!

7.    Walking- a good walk every alternate day gives you a clear head and loads of oxygen!  Walk while you still can:)

8.    Giving – celebrate the joy of giving- donate stuff- clear your closets and home and give away to the needy, it makes you feel so good to see someone else so happy!

9.    Goals – set Goals for yourself- either work related, career, personal- it helps to have something to work towards.

10. Children- They will soon be gone to college, in the next 10 years,  spend time playing board games with them, singing with them or going on trips, anything which can get you talking and spending hours together

11. Saving- if not now then it’s too late- You still have another 20 years of working life to plan for your retirement, do it now!

12. Risks – take a risk in life while you can still bounce back, maybe in your career trying a new place, new role, or in love?

13. Dream- have a dream which excites you to wake up everyday and brings a smile to your face! Dont fear to dream

14. Laugh – from your belly, the rolling over in pain with no inhibition kind! It feels soo good! Watch a funny movie and laugh your head off!

15. Newness

16. RAK – I discovered Random act of kindness this year and made that my birthday goal. Do without expecting, out of the blue acts are the most satisfying!

17. Learn – take up a course, something to add value to your career, never too late to learn

18. Food – eat right, avoid junk!!!

19. Drinks- in moderation,  avoid looking at getting drunk, you are over that age! A glass of wine once in a while is good for your soul and body, No More!

20. Calcium- invest in your future, take care of your bones, Now!

21. Cook- show your children you can, so that they may learn basic necessities, plus it’s a fun activity to do with your kids!

22. Self-love- if you love a spa treatment, do it, if you love a massage take it! It’s all in the Now, when you can pay for it and consider it an investment for your future!

23. Sleep- get your beauty sleep every night, everything else can wait!

24. Dress up- you are still not too old to look good! Buy that dress you always wanted, spend some money on your own self! Pinks, Purples, Oranges!

25. Journal- or blog- such wonderful memories to look back on when you are old!

26. Yoga- no more said!!

27. Hair-love it, nourish it, take good care of it!

28. Pictures- take pictures of yourself with family, friends, create memories

29. SOLO- do a solo trip once! You are old enough to travel by yourself and still young enough to take care of yourself!

30. Say it- lose the ego, if angry say it, if upset say it, don’t hold back and kill yourself over it!

31. Smile- ever so often, life is still not bad, you are not yet old! You still have teeth!!!

32. Work- very hard to reach the level you had always wanted to in your career, work smart to get there faster! Love your job!

33. Water- No soda, save that kidney! Save your skin!

34. Forgive- those who hurt you, those whom you think may have hurt you, those who are still hurting you, you will feel good! That’s what matters

35. Expectations- zero!! Don’t expect anything from anyone- try living like the saints! Difficult to start off, but easy to practice once you learn how to! 

36. Satin- just get that satin sheet and pillowcase- Bliss- Don’t wait till it’s too late!

37. Sex- have it! Whenever! Still feels good!

38. Meditate- for 15 minutes a day, in absolute silence, preferably first thing in the morning! 

39. Cry- its ok to let it out, its ok to feel sad and regret losses! Which happen more with aunts and uncles and parents aging! A sense of loss will prevail! Be grateful for times spent and memories gathered!

40. Pray- everyday! Every night! A silent thank you is also enough!

Mute On

WhatsApp era.

Days of accessible 4G, smartphones plenty.

Accessibility, re-establishing relationships! Long lost friends found!

Invasions of privacy.  Status messages which spoke more than a hello, goodbye.

Single lines, blue lines and double lines!!

Feelings of being ignored, suspicions.

Frustrations!

Infidelity and the late night sweet nothings.

If you had nothing to say, there were images and videos just for the occasion.

Together, we brought in a change in communication. 

We had a lot to say!!

And then there were group chats, bringing more fun, more connections and ease of communication across the globe

It was a game of fastest fingers first!

The ever familiar ping heard across office floors, in buses and trains.

Constant flashing of the messages, buzzing of the phone.

Noisy, some melodious.

Night and day!

The flash of light at night, the urge to read, the last seen time stamp.

Some semblance of privacy when the last seen time stamp could now be deactivated.

The read notification turned off.

More in control.

The biggest blessing being the mute on!!

All group conversations could be muted.

We could sleep again!

Save for the Strangers who thought they were friends and their constant messaging!!

WhatsApp now has gone the Facebook way!

All conversations can be muted, friends can be silenced!

My life on mute!

An Epicurean Ball

Eat, drink and be merry took on a whole new meaning when the Goan weekend took off.
We had it all planned, the pickup points decided to the minute.
We were well on time.
The road was perfect, times when you really enjoy a long drive.
The conversations flowed, the familiarity of old friends, comfort.

There are not many eateries on the road from Bangalore to Belgaum and we had to open up our stash of cakes and biscuits while we looked for a breakfast joint.
Hot breakfast on the way and we continued on roads meant just for that! Smooth drives!!

We passed through a stretch of Ghats with constant rain for company, skilful driving and scenic valleys had us crossing it in no time!

Reaching Goa felt like a homecoming!
Across from our old campus, we stopped to relax by our favourite haunt, Genes across from our campus!

The river Mandovi flowed ever so calmly, bringing back memories of the years spent by its side. The food, the music, the company, the laughter.

A late lunch and the Goan beer to get started on our weekend!

The chalet was a beauty. Situated along the river banks, nestled this piece of Goan wonder!

Its architecture and the interiors were interesting and gave a homely feel.

Found on Airbnb, it was a use and pay place with a well-stocked pantry, 2 kitchens, 4 bedrooms, walkouts to the river front and balconies overlooking the Mandovi. Its location was central to Panjim and Old Goa, in Ribandar, which had been our home for 2 years.
We soaked in the calmness of the place, beer in hand, watching the ferries go to Diwar and back, viewing the Salim Ali bird sanctuary in the distance. A perfect setting.

And then the evening began with the locals and foreigners reaching! They brought with them food enough to feed a home full of hungry men ( or so we thought then) and enough liquor for all the Epicureans in the world ( or so we thought again)

While we were in college, we lived on the good will of kind parents and the pocket money which never lasted! Liquor was Goan beer, fenny or the Old Monk Rum! 
17 years later we had plenty and our tastes had refined with living and dining in countries around the world!!
And food, plenty of it, a variety, a feast.

A night of singing, music ( a guitar, mouth organ ) and laughter! A night which never ended.

Morning, saw me quickly run up to Old Goa to visit the church, being Independence day also saw the flag hoisted at the Cajetan cathedral.

A long favourite Casa De Cha and a familiar breakfast – the Goan pao.  Visit to our campus in Ribandar, reliving memories, most good, some still hurt even with the passing years.

A drive to Diwar island, on the ferry, now famous because of the movie "Finding Fanny''
being shot there, for us, it only held memories of walks along the fields, bus journeys to the church. Calmness.

Back again for more drinks, food and a late night visit to Joet’s at Bogmalo.
Memories of another day, in January when I had visited that place with a young friend! A happening joint along the beach, with wonderful music!
The evening was made more wonderful with our own guys taking the mike and singing familiar tunes!  While some of us old birds called it a night and headed back to the chalet in the wee hours of the morning, the more adventurous lot decided to try their luck at the many casinos of Goa.

Sleep comes easy when the mind, body and heart are content!

Morning, decided to take the bus to Panjim for a run along to Miramar. A Sunday morning visit to the church and a short run along the Mandovi again to the sea.
The roads were washed clean from the rains, the constant slow drizzle, not enough to drench, just enough to feel a spray.

A slip, a fall, a cracked phone and wounded ego!

Back to the chalet in time to meet a bunch of breakfast hunters and it was back to the city again for a hot breakfast. A crowded favourite again, visit Café Bhonsles for some real good hot puri and bhaji the Goan way.

A bit of shopping and bumping into an old Professor on the streets of Panjim in the most unexpected places. A quick hello and introductions all around, not knowing where the night would lead us!

Back to the chalet for a wash and a trip to our campus now settled in Sanquelim.

Meeting old professors, making plans for the night and back to the chalet!

This was our temporary home and we made it homely! More shopping, more food and we had a well stocked pantry.

This night, we had our professors for company and that is an experience which none of us will easily forget. GIM gave us this feeling of comfort with professors who taught us subjects we had no clue about, who were easy to hate for making it all so difficult but whom we loved for being understanding about it!  Professors, guides, mentors, friends.

The night continued with its own bit of confusion, sleeplessness and an early morning trip to the airport.

And warm fuzzy memories, alcohol induced in-between wakefulness and sleeplessness and back to Bangalore for a life of routine.

Not once did I feel weird being the one girl among the 14 men.

The 3 days will remain wonderful memories for us who were there, the pictures constant reminders of the fun and laughter and letting go.

The Guilt Trip

Yet another reunion plan, but this time a feeling different from excitement.

Every working mother goes through a guilt trip when she decides to take a trip leaving the kids behind.  For me it was double the guilt being a single mother, working painfully long hours with the daily commute adding to the frustration of not being able to spend time at home with kids and dependent on old parents to run the show at home.

So weekends are normally spent quietly at home being a good daughter, mother and setting the home in order for the week ahead.

The past few weeks have been chaos with a major college reunion taking up my waking and sleeping hours.

The college reunion had been planned a year in advance.  It went off well and was good fun!

Running is good fun too and knowing there was a HM organised in Tuticorin, decided to sign up, book tickets and do that too, as unprepared as I was.

Due to bad weather, the run got cancelled, but I decided to still keep the ticket and do my quick weekend trip to Tuticorin to meet and spend time with family.

So it was, that someone, me, who never travelled anywhere, happened to do 2 weekends away from home in 3 weeks!

The travel though justified, still left me with a twinge of guilt for leaving my responsibilities behind!

 
When a Goan reunion was planned (the annual GIM alumni meet) I hesitated. My heart craved for it, the brain said NO.
 
The guys had it all worked out, they were planning to drive down and return the same way. The rooms were booked, so there was nothing left for me to do, other than pack my bags and leave!
Yet the brain persevered.
The deciding factor was an All Hands meeting on the Friday the guys were supposed to leave.
There was no way I could take off on that day.

Having joined this company just 2 months back, I had no leave left to squander, they were precious, I had to save on them to plan for emergency leave for kids as well as vacations with them.

I rued the day I lost my 20 days leave at my old company, I could have done with few of those right now.

So it was decided that I would not travel. Peace though tough to come by, reigned within me. I told the guys No, I would not come! My feelings of guilt temporarily left me, I had laundry to do, grocery to buy and kids to take care of!

 
A sudden change in date for the All Hands Meeting, had me thinking again, Should I or not?
Thursday morning message from a friend, “Be ready by 5:00 AM, will pick you up””

Just the wanting, leaves you guilt ridden!!!! I steeled myself and asked my kids if I could go!

They were not very happy, but said “Yes, you can go, but remember I am not happy about this”
I sent my little one to talk to my parents, being scared to ask them myself (42 and fearful!!!)
The question came back through the little one, "'how was I planning to go'', they were okay with the thought (!!!!) being a reunion, but the How was the worrisome bit!
When I said, drive, the answer was an emphatic NO!! They would drink and drive, it was not safe!! Etc etc etc!!
I knew what they said was true! Been around guys long enough to know this bit is true!!

So I went to work, my mind already wandering to Goa, people at work heard my heart thudding Goa.

For many planning a trip to Goa is for the beaches, the food, the touristy part, the feel of the place. All I was looking forward to was a getaway, a letting go of self, a time to find myself.

 I did not know who was going, coming or would be part of the reunion. All I knew was I would meet some friends from the past, meet some old Professors and feel at home!  

The college reunion and travel to Tuticorin were not that.  The Goan memories and connects were stronger!

Even with a No from home, I decided to have a return ticket booked, not wanting to spend a day in travel. I could always cancel if my mind prevailed!

 
The guilt was strong, the feeling of deserting my family for a selfish reason was preying hard on me, yet…..I prayed and called up home around 5:00 pm to try my luck once more!!
And I was lucky, I got a yes!!!
 
Immediately seeking approval from my boss at work, the guilt again creeping in, I went home!
I apologised to the kids for leaving them behind second weekend in a row, asking my mom if she could manage, telling them not to be a trouble ( they never are!!!) made sure, packed my bags and looked forward to a still guilt filled trip!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunrise to Sunset

The weekend that went by saw yet another train journey.

This has been quite a record for me who never gets an opportunity to travel by overnight trains to do 2 such journeys in a month.

Travel by train requires advance thinking and planning in India. With the ticketing window open 3 months in advance, tickets get booked much earlier.

And so it was that this trip was planned in May. A 2 day trip, touch and go, to my roots!

A run organised in Tuticorin, the town of my birth, prompted me to book my tickets and think about running there, not much into traveling to run, this was an exception, a yearning!

Did not give it much thought after the booking, since the college reunion took precedence and created more excitement.

Tuticorin to me, while growing up meant great grandparents showering their love, aunts and uncles and cousins and play all day. Out on the streets, in the sun, visiting relatives, beach trips, churches and heavenly food! Sand everywhere, in your hair, in your shoes, in your bed!!!

A town where time to me stood still, where clothes spoke of wealth and jewels adorned every man and woman.

After moving out of TamilNadu and getting a taste of the North, West, East and other parts of South India, Tuticorin was left orphaned!

Trips were rare with work, children, school and other interests taking over my life.

Cousins had left town, few remained, but the childhood feelings had long gone and what was left was a distant memory. The house we spent our holidays in had been sold and the street held no recollection for me!

Yet, I looked forward to the run for more than just the run, a chance to be back where I was always loved and greeted with genuine affection. Where I was proud of my family genealogy!

When the run was postponed, I felt no sorrow. With an ailing uncle and aunt, with cousins and babies who were still not met, I decided to still visit.

Yes, the town had aged along with me, the buildings looked grey in the afternoon sun, some had been renovated still wore a weary look of having seen time pass by.

I loved the feel of sand under my feet, in my hair and in my bed.

It was all I was hoping for, loads of love, amazingly fresh food, smell of the sea, special churches, rekindling memories, creating new ones, babies and kisses and hugs!!! No one was a stranger. It felt like coming home!

Pampered, loved, one sunrise to another sunset.

There's a Lot You Can Do Over Coffee

 

A year ago, small lane, a coffee shop

And that is how it all started!

More laughter, less talk

It had begun….

  

Groups were formed, strangers met!

Committees formed, contacts re-established!

Some hits, some misses, some heartaches, some joys!

The journey was long, time was short!

 

Deadlines, plans.

Tickets booked, cancelled, rebooked!

Dates were set; reset.

Packing, repacking, trials and last minute shopping!

 

Sunny day, perfect weather!

Aged, worn out, falling apart college.

Evergreen spirits.

20 years disappeared!

 

The identifying game was fun, with lots of errors!

Hugs, handshakes and smiles all over!

Photos clicked, more memories created, laughter and bonding.

Friends, strangers, friends.

More coffee!!

 

Night time brought with it another story!

Planning was key, execution was the winner!

 

Together we made it happen,

Together we look towards the future.

Awaiting, anticipating, expecting….

 

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I was blessed with long, luxuriously thick hair.
It snaked down my waist during my heydays and I had to lift my hair out of the way when I sat.
Then came chop-chop days and taking care of a baby, I decided to keep it shorter for the sake of convenience.
And running days brought it even shorter and closer to the shoulder.

Through it all, it remained wavy and thick and filled me with pride.
A haircut, though emotional, never filled me with fear.
I knew they could do no wrong. I was the blessed one! I had naturally beautiful hair.
 “It grows back fast, it is difficult to manage! Just go ahead and cut it short, layer it!” is all I would say!
And yes, I always walked out looking and feeling like I owned the world!!

Till that one fateful day.

Preparations were on for a 20 year college reunion in a week's time and all I wanted was for my waves to frame my face! Be the one with the best hair even after 20 years.
I sat on the chair and mouthed “layer it to the shoulders’’
My regular stylist was not there, yet I trusted and let myself doze away to the soothing tunes playing on the radio.

Suddenly a jolt woke me from my day dream!
Horror!! Worse I have never seen, I saw my locks all over the floor, chopped blunt at places and lopsided in places!!! Even an ugly tuft on the right above my ear, which would not stay down even with gel!
So close cropped, so short and scraggy and painfully thin at the bottom a bouffant like look at the top of the crown.
My once flowing hair, now resembled a butcher’s hack!
No, it did not frame my face as it away does, instead left me with a stern and puffy look!!
I could not recognise the person in the mirror.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, could I say anything, NO, she still had a little more left to get done, any negative comment may have strange repercussions.

The word I use is UGLY! I felt and looked it!!
I walked out blinded by tears and the sun in my eyes.

Came home to shocked stares from the family, my already deflated ego, getting a punch from their looks!!!
‘’Its only Hair, it will grow back’’ says one!!
Easy to say, yes, it grows, but not in a week and definitely when cut so short and terribly will take months to grow and balance out!!
‘’You look nice says another’’, I know they are just being nice!!
‘’It will grow in and the funny tuft on the right will then fall in place’’, says yet another, Like their honesty, but I lack understanding right then!
''You look like Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai'' says my daughter!! UUuuuughhh! Not the look I was trying to achieve!

Hair as I’ve known it all my life reflects a statement, its personal, its sexual, it’s a reflection of the inner beauty, a crowning glory.
I tried experiments with my daughters' barrettes, long forgotten scarves to hide the hideousness, tried tiny clips to keep the lumpy out of place tuft in place, tried oiling it to  make it comply!! Nothing helped.

My once pride was now my downfall!

My little daughter gave me hugs and kisses to make me feel better.
After 3 days of staring at myself in the mirror, trying to get used to the different me (will not use the word new, because I look old and stressed and prefer the old me)

Stress has made me eat more cakes! Drink more coffee and yes eat the buttery cookies as well!!
I had thoughts of cancelling my ticket and giving my reunion plans a miss!
My Google history will show my need for serious counselling.

Anne Hathaway said “I’ve now done back-flips out of windows, I’ve jumped off buildings,” she said. “And cutting my hair reduced me to, like, mental patient-level crying. I was inconsolable.”
Exactly how I feel!

The truth:    I don’t want people to see my face.  I would never change my profile pic with my current look! I only want a happy smiling face, softened by a cloud of hair. I feel exposed by this cut, the fine lines of ageing, the sadness around the eyes and the wryness about the mouth all are out there for the world to view!

While I am going through an emotional upheaval in life, maybe this is a lesson I needed to learn.
Letting go-you cannot control everything!
This too shall pass and hair too shall grow!

Till then, I will dry the tears and be a woman!!