Yet another
reunion plan, but this time a feeling different from excitement.
Every working mother goes through a guilt trip when she decides to take a trip leaving the kids behind. For me it was double the guilt being a single mother, working painfully long hours with the daily commute adding to the frustration of not being able to spend time at home with kids and dependent on old parents to run the show at home.
So weekends are normally spent quietly at home being a good daughter, mother and setting the home in order for the week ahead.
The past few weeks have been chaos with a major college reunion taking up my waking and sleeping hours.
The college reunion had been planned a year in advance. It went off well and was good fun!
T he travel
though justified, still left me with a twinge of guilt for leaving my responsibilities
behind!
When a Goan reunion was planned (the annual GIM alumni meet) I hesitated. My heart craved for it, the brain said NO.
The guys had it all worked out, they were planning to drive down and return the same way. The rooms were booked, so there was nothing left for me to do, other than pack my bags and leave!
Yet the brain persevered.
The deciding factor was an All Hands meeting on the Friday the guys were supposed to leave.
There was no way I could take off on that day.
Thursday morning message from a friend, “Be ready by 5:00 AM, will pick you up””
I sent my little one to talk to my parents, being scared to ask them myself (42 and fearful!!!)
The question came back through the little one, "'how was I planning to go'', they were okay with the thought (!!!!) being a reunion, but the How was the worrisome bit!
When I said, drive, the answer was an emphatic NO!! They would drink and drive, it was not safe!! Etc etc etc!!
I knew what they said was true! Been around guys long enough to know this bit is true!!
The guilt was strong, the feeling of deserting my family for a selfish reason was preying hard on me, yet…..I prayed and called up home around 5:00 pm to try my luck once more!!
And I was lucky, I got a yes!!!
Immediately seeking approval from my boss at work, the guilt again creeping in, I went home!
I apologised to the kids for leaving them behind second weekend in a row, asking my mom if she could manage, telling them not to be a trouble ( they never are!!!) made sure, packed my bags and looked forward to a still guilt filled trip!!!
Every working mother goes through a guilt trip when she decides to take a trip leaving the kids behind. For me it was double the guilt being a single mother, working painfully long hours with the daily commute adding to the frustration of not being able to spend time at home with kids and dependent on old parents to run the show at home.
So weekends are normally spent quietly at home being a good daughter, mother and setting the home in order for the week ahead.
The past few weeks have been chaos with a major college reunion taking up my waking and sleeping hours.
The college reunion had been planned a year in advance. It went off well and was good fun!
Running is good
fun too and knowing there was a HM organised in Tuticorin, decided to sign up,
book tickets and do that too, as unprepared as I was.
Due to bad weather,
the run got cancelled, but I decided to still keep the ticket and do my quick
weekend trip to Tuticorin to meet and spend time with family.
So it was,
that someone, me, who never travelled anywhere, happened to do 2 weekends away
from home in 3 weeks!
When a Goan reunion was planned (the annual GIM alumni meet) I hesitated. My heart craved for it, the brain said NO.
The guys had it all worked out, they were planning to drive down and return the same way. The rooms were booked, so there was nothing left for me to do, other than pack my bags and leave!
Yet the brain persevered.
The deciding factor was an All Hands meeting on the Friday the guys were supposed to leave.
There was no way I could take off on that day.
Having joined
this company just 2 months back, I had no leave left to squander, they were
precious, I had to save on them to plan for emergency leave for kids as well as
vacations with them.
I rued the
day I lost my 20 days leave at my old company, I could have done with few of
those right now.
So it was decided
that I would not travel. Peace though tough to come by, reigned within me. I
told the guys No, I would not come! My feelings of guilt temporarily left me, I
had laundry to do, grocery to buy and kids to take care of!
Thursday morning message from a friend, “Be ready by 5:00 AM, will pick you up””
Just the
wanting, leaves you guilt ridden!!!! I steeled myself and asked my kids if I could
go!
They were
not very happy, but said “Yes, you can go, but remember I am not happy about
this”I sent my little one to talk to my parents, being scared to ask them myself (42 and fearful!!!)
The question came back through the little one, "'how was I planning to go'', they were okay with the thought (!!!!) being a reunion, but the How was the worrisome bit!
When I said, drive, the answer was an emphatic NO!! They would drink and drive, it was not safe!! Etc etc etc!!
I knew what they said was true! Been around guys long enough to know this bit is true!!
So I went to
work, my mind already wandering to Goa, people at work heard my heart thudding
Goa.
For many planning
a trip to Goa is for the beaches, the food, the touristy part, the feel of the
place. All I was looking forward to was a getaway, a letting go of self, a time
to find myself.
I did not know who was going, coming or would
be part of the reunion. All I knew was I would meet some friends from the past,
meet some old Professors and feel at home!
The college
reunion and travel to Tuticorin were not that. The
Goan memories and connects were stronger!
Even with a
No from home, I decided to have a return ticket booked, not wanting to spend a day
in travel. I could always cancel if my mind prevailed!
The guilt was strong, the feeling of deserting my family for a selfish reason was preying hard on me, yet…..I prayed and called up home around 5:00 pm to try my luck once more!!
And I was lucky, I got a yes!!!
Immediately seeking approval from my boss at work, the guilt again creeping in, I went home!
I apologised to the kids for leaving them behind second weekend in a row, asking my mom if she could manage, telling them not to be a trouble ( they never are!!!) made sure, packed my bags and looked forward to a still guilt filled trip!!!
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