I was blessed with long, luxuriously thick
hair.
It snaked down my waist during my heydays and I had to lift my hair out of the way when I sat.
Then came chop-chop days and taking care of a baby, I decided to keep it shorter for the sake of convenience.
And running days brought it even shorter and closer to the shoulder.
Through it all, it remained wavy and thick and filled me with pride.
A haircut, though emotional, never filled me with fear.
I knew they could do no wrong. I was the blessed one! I had naturally beautiful hair.
“It grows back fast, it is difficult to manage! Just go ahead and cut it short, layer it!” is all I would say!
And yes, I always walked out looking and feeling like I owned the world!!
T ill that one fateful day.
Preparations were on for a 20 year college reunion in a week's time and all I wanted was for my waves to frame my face! Be the one with the best hair even after 20 years.
I sat on the chair and mouthed “layer it to the shoulders’’
My regular stylist was not there, yet I trusted and let myself doze away to the soothing tunes playing on the radio.
Suddenly a jolt woke me from my day dream!
Horror!! Worse I have never seen, I saw my locks all over the floor, chopped blunt at places and lopsided in places!!! Even an ugly tuft on the right above my ear, which would not stay down even with gel!
So close cropped, so short and scraggy and painfully thin at the bottom a bouffant like look at the top of the crown.
My once flowing hair, now resembled a butcher’s hack!
No, it did not frame my face as it away does, instead left me with a stern and puffy look!!
I could not recognise the person in the mirror.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, could I say anything, NO, she still had a little more left to get done, any negative comment may have strange repercussions.
The word I use is UGLY! I felt and looked it!!
I walked out blinded by tears and the sun in my eyes.
Came home to shocked stares from the family, my already deflated ego, getting a punch from their looks!!!
‘’Its only Hair, it will grow back’’ says one!!
Easy to say, yes, it grows, but not in a week and definitely when cut so short and terribly will take months to grow and balance out!!
‘’You look nice says another’’, I know they are just being nice!!
‘’It will grow in and the funny tuft on the right will then fall in place’’, says yet another, Like their honesty, but I lack understanding right then!
''You look like Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai'' says my daughter!! UUuuuughhh! Not the look I was trying to achieve!
Hair as I’ve known it all my life reflects a statement, its personal, its sexual, it’s a reflection of the inner beauty, a crowning glory.
I tried experiments with my daughters' barrettes, long forgotten scarves to hide the hideousness, tried tiny clips to keep the lumpy out of place tuft in place, tried oiling it to make it comply!! Nothing helped.
My once pride was now my downfall!
My little daughter gave me hugs and kisses to make me feel better.
After 3 days of staring at myself in the mirror, trying to get used to the different me (will not use the word new, because I look old and stressed and prefer the old me)
Stress has made me eat more cakes! Drink more coffee and yes eat the buttery cookies as well!!
I had thoughts of cancelling my ticket and giving my reunion plans a miss!
My Google history will show my need for serious counselling.
Anne Hathaway said “I’ve now done back-flips out of windows, I’ve jumped off buildings,” she said. “And cutting my hair reduced me to, like, mental patient-level crying. I was inconsolable.”
Exactly how I feel!
The truth: I don’t want people to see my face. I would never change my profile pic with my current look! I only want a happy smiling face, softened by a cloud of hair. I feel exposed by this cut, the fine lines of ageing, the sadness around the eyes and the wryness about the mouth all are out there for the world to view!
While I am going through an emotional upheaval in life, maybe this is a lesson I needed to learn.
Letting go-you cannot control everything!
This too shall pass and hair too shall grow!
Till then, I will dry the tears and be a woman!!
It snaked down my waist during my heydays and I had to lift my hair out of the way when I sat.
Then came chop-chop days and taking care of a baby, I decided to keep it shorter for the sake of convenience.
And running days brought it even shorter and closer to the shoulder.
Through it all, it remained wavy and thick and filled me with pride.
A haircut, though emotional, never filled me with fear.
I knew they could do no wrong. I was the blessed one! I had naturally beautiful hair.
“It grows back fast, it is difficult to manage! Just go ahead and cut it short, layer it!” is all I would say!
And yes, I always walked out looking and feeling like I owned the world!!
Preparations were on for a 20 year college reunion in a week's time and all I wanted was for my waves to frame my face! Be the one with the best hair even after 20 years.
I sat on the chair and mouthed “layer it to the shoulders’’
My regular stylist was not there, yet I trusted and let myself doze away to the soothing tunes playing on the radio.
Suddenly a jolt woke me from my day dream!
Horror!! Worse I have never seen, I saw my locks all over the floor, chopped blunt at places and lopsided in places!!! Even an ugly tuft on the right above my ear, which would not stay down even with gel!
So close cropped, so short and scraggy and painfully thin at the bottom a bouffant like look at the top of the crown.
My once flowing hair, now resembled a butcher’s hack!
No, it did not frame my face as it away does, instead left me with a stern and puffy look!!
I could not recognise the person in the mirror.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, could I say anything, NO, she still had a little more left to get done, any negative comment may have strange repercussions.
The word I use is UGLY! I felt and looked it!!
I walked out blinded by tears and the sun in my eyes.
Came home to shocked stares from the family, my already deflated ego, getting a punch from their looks!!!
‘’Its only Hair, it will grow back’’ says one!!
Easy to say, yes, it grows, but not in a week and definitely when cut so short and terribly will take months to grow and balance out!!
‘’You look nice says another’’, I know they are just being nice!!
‘’It will grow in and the funny tuft on the right will then fall in place’’, says yet another, Like their honesty, but I lack understanding right then!
Hair as I’ve known it all my life reflects a statement, its personal, its sexual, it’s a reflection of the inner beauty, a crowning glory.
I tried experiments with my daughters' barrettes, long forgotten scarves to hide the hideousness, tried tiny clips to keep the lumpy out of place tuft in place, tried oiling it to make it comply!! Nothing helped.
My once pride was now my downfall!
My little daughter gave me hugs and kisses to make me feel better.
After 3 days of staring at myself in the mirror, trying to get used to the different me (will not use the word new, because I look old and stressed and prefer the old me)
Stress has made me eat more cakes! Drink more coffee and yes eat the buttery cookies as well!!
I had thoughts of cancelling my ticket and giving my reunion plans a miss!
My Google history will show my need for serious counselling.
Anne Hathaway said “I’ve now done back-flips out of windows, I’ve jumped off buildings,” she said. “And cutting my hair reduced me to, like, mental patient-level crying. I was inconsolable.”
Exactly how I feel!
The truth: I don’t want people to see my face. I would never change my profile pic with my current look! I only want a happy smiling face, softened by a cloud of hair. I feel exposed by this cut, the fine lines of ageing, the sadness around the eyes and the wryness about the mouth all are out there for the world to view!
While I am going through an emotional upheaval in life, maybe this is a lesson I needed to learn.
Letting go-you cannot control everything!
This too shall pass and hair too shall grow!
Till then, I will dry the tears and be a woman!!
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