Family Ties

The burning question existing today: Does loss make us immune to love? 

A  tiny coastal hamlet (near Marseilles) a summer hotspot out of season, ageing siblings coming to terms with the effects of modernisation and loss. 

A slow drama, the brothers and sister are full of both nostalgia and anger; an inheritance to discuss from a father still alive, but silent, unmoving. An old couple, neighbours, family friends, struggling to survive, their young son, wanting to support them, and a young fisherman, who craves something intellectual in his otherwise silent life. 

It is about family dynamics about the past, regrets, life, death, but manages to escape sinking into boredom by looking at their changing relationships in the present. 

Very few laughable moments, but not so dark that it makes you cry. 

The one painful moment in the movie was the old couple and the decisions they take for themselves,  it is thought provoking and makes us look beyond the everyday. 

The movie takes us on slow and thoughtful walks, mending past relationships, closing on the present bitterness. Building stronger bonds and creating love out of loss. 

Instead of making it a political movie about immigrants and their causes, the director deftly uses the issues to delve into the hearts of the family members and allows them to rediscover the compassion they’ve lost during their own struggles. 

A representative film, an old house, no longer filled with life, its beauty faded but a glimmer of hope for the future through near death and new love.

This is about aging and how each one handles the change, the passage of time and regret. About taking chances with life as we heal. 

About rekindling hope and finding home. 

The House By The Sea/La Villa

The Asylum Seekers

How can something so tragic be portrayed so lovingly.

The movie follows the lives of two refugees from Central Africa, brothers, who are seeking asylum. They have left their well paid, intellectual jobs after violence in their home country forced them to come find safety for themselves in another country.

Suffering the loss of home and family and everything they have been familiar with, the young children remain strong, hopeful, loving through all the uncertainty.

Innocence lost too early.

They all find love, which is always held back in fear of that too being taken away.  There are tender moments, which shine through all the pain.

How do you hold onto your intellect and stature and finally give up that one thing you owned- dignity. 

I watch movies set in France for their beautiful locale, the Parisian love and lust for life and vibrancy.

What is most obvious here is not the presence but absence.  Lack of status, the loss of dignity, the sense of not being welcome, and of running out of legal options if there is to be any chance of remaining.

The characters merge with the dull background, the chill in the air so well portrayed through the silent and austere living. 

This movie shows the other side of French living.

How does one government decide whom to grant or deny asylum? 

The movie ends up denouncing the system which considers migrants as just bodies to be moved across cities to serve a singular purpose, rather than a humanitarian approach to  help settle and build hope for them.

The story touches you deeply now in times of the migrant crisis that has taken over my country during the recent COVID pandemic.

Home remains a hope and dream for many.

A SEASON IN FRANCE (UNE SAISON EN FRANCE)

The Makeover Challenge

The lockdown has me at home, needing distractions from the turmoil and angst I feel.

I tried looking at all my pending Udemy course

Did not go too far.

Tried reading non fiction books,the words were blurred. 

I decided to do mindless things. Watching movies and reading fiction made sense.

Brittany Runs a Marathon

This was one of the first few movies I watched.

A story of triumph, resilience, worthiness. 

Brittany's story is common. She is common.

Her life is a rut.

Broke, proud to ask for help. 

What she does decide to do after a much needed wake up call is change.

The thoughts and actions are relatable.

Fighting your emotional battles physically is something I have related to always

She sets out to achieve her goal. The New York City marathon seems like an overkill for a first, but then that's what goals are about right! 

The losing out on previous relationships because of your new found purpose and passion, finding new friends to support them are all sad and happy.

We see her succeeding, loving life. 

Then she falls, fails miserably. 

Allows herself to wallow in self pity again...

But since now she is in control of her life, she knows how to pick herself up again and goes back to her goals.

Her transformation is astounding. 

And real.

This time she does it, and she has all her viewers cheering for her. 

The movie is sad, funny, emotional, uplifting. 

To help you feel good in times when you need a laugh, when you need to know you are not alone.

It's not just another movie script, but based on the real life story of a friend of the Director of the movie- Britanny O'Neil 

If you are looking for marathon training tips, this is not for you.

If you want to believe you can start something and do that you have never done before, this is for you. 

Mask of Sorrow

I walk down the road, there are many walking by, alone or in two's.

14 years of walking, cycling and running down the same road.

Many came, many left. Some stayed. 

I always move on, never have time to stop and stare, 

Always in a hurry, always on the go.

A wide smile, a loud, hurried hello and I go rushing by. 

The road remains the same, the people the same.

Now life as I know it has changed.

I have no place to go. Life in slow motion.

I walk by, there are no loud hellos, a far off wave and we are off.

Each one wary of the other.

Yet, the quick smile, now with the eyes.

Strange, but comfortingly familiar.

Each of us carrying our worries silently inside our heads, the outward smile on the face, now hidden behind layers of cloth.

Words are scarce, muffled, muted.  

Our pain is masked.

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul and reflect everything that seems to be hidden; and like a mirror, they also reflect the person looking into them- Paulo Coelho 

My pain and fear reflect in the eyes that smile at me. 

Sometimes I recognise the person, other times, the eyes meet and unite the soul.

Together we silently take a vow to fight this together.  

Now the window to our soul speaks louder than the words which flowed easily. 

The smile temporarily hiding the sorrow.

I read the below words recently and shared this as a reminder on what is normal now. 

"I wear a mask in public, not for me, but for YOU. 

I want you to know that I am educated enough to know that, although I have been very careful, I could be asymptomatic and still give you the virus. 

I don’t “live in fear” of the virus-- I just want to be a part of the solution, not the problem. 

I don’t feel the “government is controlling me”; I feel like I’m being a contributing adult to society and I want to teach children the same. 

I want them to grow up as I did knowing that the world doesn’t revolve around me... that it’s not all about me and my personal comfort...that if we all could live with the consideration of others in mind, this whole world would be a much better place.

Wearing a mask doesn’t make me weak, scared, stupid or even “controlled”; it makes me considerate. "

Talk To Me

My daughters have always been asking me what I do at work.
Have never been able to explain to them since I do not have a defined job description which can be explained with a designation.
A fluid role, I have taken on anything it takes to get the job done.
Since we have all been working from home for almost 2 months now (wow) they have been listening and watching me work from the other room.
At times they see me on the computer talking and typing away furiously, sometimes with my phone while on mute, washing utensils or cooking, occasionally when I am on my laptop and phone doing the talking and typing.
Often I am talking on the phone passionate and emotional.
Video calls have been with a lot of lag and either I see or hear, something always tends to break for me or the other person(s) thanks to our poor internet connectivity. 

 For someone who never considers my phone as my appendix, I now take it around the house with me as I move around. This mobile has been my constant companion.
I have strict rules about the mobile not being present at the dining table and I have successfully followed that even during these days when calls are how I work.
With so many work calls, I realised I have not spoken to friends, so used to meeting them or chatting on WhatsApp, this too is a new norm yet to get used to. 

This post is not about calls and the time I spend on them.This is about the clarity, the brevity, the voice and modulation that some people have while talking over the phone.Many still do not know how they sound when they are talking through an instrument,Just like me, they too are probably multitasking, I see people walking and talking, with a mask over their mouth. 

Please take a minute to understand the struggle we are all going through. Phone fatigue is real, it affects me that so many calls are filled with echoes, voice breaking, missed words. We rush to speak, not waiting for the other to complete, not knowing if it's our turn, in turn losing out on what the other has been saying. 

Last night I spoke to someone on a work related call and had interacted very briefly in person a few months ago. This was a 45 minute call, where he spoke slowly, with sufficient pause, had planned this conversation well, which means, he gave me time to talk after he had voiced his opinion, the subject of the call was unpleasant, but his preparation and voice modulation, made it much easier for me to end it with a sense of satisfaction and clear action. 

This note is as much for me as for a larger audience.While talking in person, we give them our full attention, do so even while on a voice call.
Please go prepared when you get into a call, schedule it so that each person has time to plan their points and note it down. Set aside time, do not allow background noise and other distractions take away the importance of this call. Speak slowly, Pause, allow the other time to respond.
Picture them while you talk, hear their emotions. 

Makes for a better phone experience!

Running on Empty

All the cheerful optimism and forced positivity makes my anxiety worsen.

The knowledge that the whole world is suffering, does not diminish the pain I am going through.

Yes, all the preaching strikes a momentary chord and makes me eager to make changes to how I am coping.

But then again as the day progresses and the environment becomes claustrophobic and expectations become unbearable, the whole situation seems to collapse on my head.

I try to find occasions to be thankful for, to create for myself a sense of gratitude.

I try to spend 30 minutes a day expending energy and building up a sweat indoors. 

I try to focus for a while on the mundane activities, to distract myself from things I am not able to control.

My mind is filled with regrets, the prayer which was a meditation refuses to calm me, my religion has failed me. 

It's not easy when the constant bombardment focuses on the mosquito which we squat all the while we are sweeping the elephant under the carpet.

Would this have been different if I had someone to talk to without being judged for my anger or fears?

Would this have been different if I had made choices which seemed selfish at that time?

Would this have been different if I had someone to share my burden and not consciously ignore what is obvious?

Would this have been different if I were alone?

I am left feeling empty.Though I have a full house. 

I crave for silence inside my head. 

I am trying! 

Small Is The New Large

I walk across the clothes aisle in the department stores.
I finally find something I like!
I hold it up against me! Size is perfect.
Look at the size tag- XL!

Anyone who looks at me would never say am an XL.
In the Americas,15 years ago, I shopped in the petite or kids section.
Yes childbirth, mommydom and age have made me gain 5 kgs but at 45 I'm fitter, fabber today than I ever was.
I would wear an XL yes, being the " its baggy, lets both fit in together" person!

When I sign up for races, I place an order for XL size event Tees,
sometimes going as far as to request a Men's XL and altering the length alone!!

What changed over the years.
What made the sizes go off the chart!  Size 0 is glorified, but that has become smaller than XS size.
When I place clothes purchased 10 years ago alongside clothes purchased now with same size tags, I notice the old Small is now equivalent to the new Large.

It is a good thing I have a very positive self image and do not worry about fitting clothes and labels.
But I do worry for people who do.
the pressure it puts on the young adults who are governed by the society and its fashion norms.  

I see the same trend in the Std X board exams.
Last year I realised scoring 90% marks were not difficult.
This year I understood scoring the same was easy.

Everyone you meet or hear about has a happy smile and proudly mention their final scores.
During the 80's the same ICSE board exams were considered a nightmare for many.
If you scored a 70 % you were considered good, anything above 80% you stood a good chance of being a school topper! 

Fast forward to May 2019!
Am yet to hear of any of my daughter's friends talk about an average below 85%
and my daughter the 10th grader, who struggled through her whole year, with no support - internal or external, managed to spend 3 months of the whole year working on the subjects, did not touch any of the subjects' exam guides, past question papers or every other passed down advice and scored a happy average. Which 5 years ago, would have been enough to be a school topper.
Today that is the new class average! 

The glorification of marks and the giving away of marks by the examination boards!
When did scoring a 99 % in languages become so common?
Are we all grooming perfectionists? 

The 90s used to be 80s
Sadly
Small is the new Large