What If's

 It’s as honest as it can get.

The hard hitting reality of a single parent and the job in hand.

A biographical movie about a teen mom, shelving her hopes and ambitions temporarily, sacrificing her dreams waiting for a day to become reality. 

The struggle is real.

Though many of us watching this movie today may not relate to the teen mom, late college goer, since it is set in the ’60’s, it still reaches out to a lot of women. 

The marriage is forced, love is a word, raising a child is a job.

Never giving up on her dreams, her purpose is what gives her the strength.

The movie is made to be funny, Drew Barrymore as the struggling mom, makes it all seem possible. The hatred she feels for herself and the life she chose, does not seem tragic because of the light hearted comedy.

Life is not perfect, there are things we do for love, there are more that we do out of a sense of obligation. 

The  movie takes us on a wild ride from being a child to mom, to working mom to student to parent and author and an eye opener.  

She is not begging for pity, she chose her life, she chose to change her life.

Beverly comes across as hard and sarcastic, unsure if she loves her kid and not sure if she wants to be a mother.

She tells her son that she has lost a lot in life because of him. For a young kid, it may not be what he likes to hear, but I could relate a lot to these truths. He grows up in a never been loved environment. 

Towards the end of the movie, when she wonders if this job ever ends, I felt it!! 

As a parent, openly expressing hurt and anger towards your child would deem cause for a call to social welfare today by someone observing this. 

But in all honesty, having faced days that make me regret decisions I have made, hopes and dreams that I unlike Beverly have still not got the courage to pursue, I wonder.  

What is this unconditional love that I am supposed to have.

She has a strange way of showing her love as most overworked parents probably do. She seems hard and selfish, in reality she is just protecting herself and her son from the hurt, I would know. This too is love.

The ultimate realisation as she talks to her dad in the last scene makes you gasp!  Her son confronts her and expressed what she always felt with her parents.  But the quick understanding and acceptance makes you tear up.

She does not wait for the What If’s

"All life is, is three or four big days that change everything"

Riding in cars with boys

Room Of Her Own

 My first Georgian movie

The pandemic has made me expand my horizons beyond the known French, Italian Foreign language movies.

The availability of such movies online has made it easy for me to enter into homes and lives otherwise unknown.

What is remarkable is that feelings, emotions, struggles are the same everywhere.

Love, Pain, Hurt, Anger are language agnostic!

As usual, I watch foreign language movies with no expectations, just to listen to the different audio and read hopefully the translation which captures the essence of the movie.

Very often the acting is enough to bring out the crux and emotions conveyed

The story begins with a 50 year old woman Mañana house hunting. She seems to be ok with a not so ok run down apartment on the outskirts of a town and does not question the owner/ caretaker regarding the repairs and mess the place is in.

Next it shifts to a loud crowded household, where trivial things she likes are not allowed, something pleasurable like eating cake is frowned upon. Even daily dressing is not a private affair. 

Leaving you wondering if the house she has seen is for her parents/ her husband and herself or for her married daughter and son in law or for the son who is in college.

As the story progresses and Mañana moves out of home leaving her aged parents whose house they live in, her husband, her daughter , son in law and son. She lives alone managing with her teachers income. 

Her decision is made firm when the student tells her teacher about her decision to walk out on an unequal marriage. It is a case of the teacher learning from her student. 

Manana never left her family or husband because of physical abuse or infidelity.  She feels suffocated. She lacks freedom. 

We come to learn how others around her try to control her life, including her brother, her mother who guilt trips her saying she had a ready made nanny in her which allowed her to pursue her job .

Even after moving out physically, she is emotionally available for her children, her parents, her husband still in shock on what has changed in his life 

How a chance school reunion discloses a 14 year old secret which shocks her.  

How she stands up to her beliefs, her decision, and reasoning appeals to you and the viewer is left applauding the strength of her character. 

It is a strong female centric movie, with the story being any woman’s story in any developing country, Namely India, the markets, streets, homes are eerily similar to places we have grown up in 

Even an independent thinking, financially stable woman is not allowed freedom of thought and speech and action in many households. She is never respected for the knowledge or position or wealth she brings in.

We see Mañana enjoying the silence, solitude, enjoying her piece of cake, listening to music she loves. This speaks volumes about the freedom she has finally gained.

The man, lesser in every way, gains that respect and freedom just for being man.  A patriarchal society, so common to most of us.

The movie ends with a conversation with her husband with unanswered questions about his indifference and her brothers patronising ways which no one questions. 

Few break the shackles, few take that courageous step to divorce their family.

Few decide to live their lives and not die while still breathing. 

How have you lived your life?  

My Happy Family (Chemi Bednieri Ojakhi)

The Hills Have Eyes

A motley group of family and friends come together for a holiday.

Typical of a Bengali family, it is noisy and centres around food. 

The film begins with death, keeping the identity a surprise, it then starts at the beginning when there is so much life.

A family holiday in a small isolated hill town, set in the ‘70s.

A man bullied, his virtues of manhood questioned.

The only one who is innocent, sensitive and vulnerable. The rest take him for granted, bullying him at every opportunity they get. 

His torment is visible and his helplessness painful.

There is talk of ghosts and death. He is needled and used by the rest of the gathering. 

There is a quiet anger and shame simmering within, beautifully portrayed in silence by Vikrant Massey. 

It is obvious he is the outsider, he wants to belong,  It is only in the sweater he finds his belonging. With the dead. 

The underlying calmness during tense situations, suddenly becoming a show of power, the brooding Kalki Koechlin watching, taking what she wants, leaving behind a sense of doom for Shuntu. The young Tani, his only companion, knowing what he goes through, but too young to be taken seriously. 

The loud humour always there, comes too soon, brash to diffuse the tension and move away fast from impending danger. 

The movie is slow, it is not for the Bollywood song and dance viewers, it talks through its silence. 

The quiet glance, the all seeing eyes through screens and windows, the graveyard, the association with death, even while living, the 23 year old outcast who is more at ease with the 7 year old than with the adults around him. 

The need to conform, but happier being a distant observer.

It is about failure and the inability to accept it, there is love at times, his aunt’s affection the only real thing.  

You wait for death, will it be suicide or murder......

Though everything in the film is a build-up towards its undeserved tragic climax, but when it does finally unfold, it leaves you jarred just the same. 

People are blinded by their egos and pride, their lust and greed, their masculinity and femininity.

Only the hills have eyes.

"A Death in the Gunj" by Konkona Sen Sharma

Love Is All You Need

Why is letting go such a difficult  process?

Most soulful ballads are about the pain of letting go of an unrequited love, of a lost love, death of a loved one.

Holding onto grief, sorrow is treasured, we can never accept another's kind words when they ask us to let go.

Letting go of something /someone you love is never easy.

But sometimes it is necessary to help the other person grow and lead a better life, holding on to them only holds them back.

We Indians are familiar with the difficulty in letting go, we are by nature hoarders. 

Of  kid cycles long after they have outgrown them, their books, irons which don't work, clothes that may one day fit again, feelings, emotions, our grown up children.

I have grown up children, almost nearing the college going age. 

My daughter tells me " Ma, I'm 17", she still wants her cuddles, comes for a hug, Won't lift a finger to help around at home, I have been around always to do things for her, often ignoring my own priorities and needs to ensure I'm there for her. This is common of most moms I know, though we deny that we control them and are growing independent children, we know we want to hold them close to us as long as possible. 

We worry about how they would manage in the big bad world all by themselves, yet we know they need to go out and fight the wolves. I also know they need to go out, fend for themselves, experience more than what I can offer. I do know there are adversities we have faced together and overcome them for now, still unsure of what the future has in store and can she manage on her own.

Going by the movie plot, I thought I would cry my heart out, surprisingly I did not, the approach of the director to not make it an emotional melodrama, but more of a focused plan to succeed made this movie memorable for me.

Set in the mid 40's with poverty and difficulty post war affecting daily living, the large Mississippi family also faces one more struggle- a "Mongoloid Idiot" a newborn with Down’s syndrome.

Back in those years of struggle, many did not have the means or understanding to raise a child who needed so much support. Jewel, the main protagonist, the mom, takes things in her control, defies the experts who declare the baby won't survive beyond 2 years and dedicates her life to serving her different child at the expense of the well being and care of her other children.

Jewel firmly believes that with enough love, she can turn around the disabilities and cure the child. She urges the family to trust in that and picks on the nanny when she does not support that belief. 

Yet they manage, they all survive the struggling years, the family moves to California to give a better life to the special child. They stick together, love each other through the many adversities they continue to face.

Jewel's real struggle comes when she needs to make a decision to let go of the daughter she has taken care of always, met her every need, loving, but fearful all the time.

Watch it to renew your faith in love, though love did not make the child whole mentally and physically, but held the family together and created a safe haven for the well loved child.

A mother's yearning to hold back, the struggle to let go, knowing it's not going to be easy, but trusting that it will be the best for her daughter. 

Jewel- a TV movie.

The Homecoming

The man got off the bus after traveling more than 3000 kms, tired, unsure.

Years of living in the city has changed him, he is uncertain of what lies ahead for him in the place he once called home.

His friend from when he lived in the village greets him, he meets his old parents, whom he should be excited seeing after almost 8 years, but the excitement is marred by the fear and the situation which has made him return.

He meets old friends, they seem content in their simple ways. There is no desire for power.

His life in contrast has been contaminated by the privileges city life had to offer and money brought.

Forced to make this move, causes the old familiar ways to to turn distasteful, 

What was taken for granted in the city in his past life has now become non-existent. 

Simple pleasure of mobile connectivity, watching television are not seen as a necessity but a waste of time. 

Loss of his well paid job makes him depressed and scared.

The customs and traditions of his village, the one he grew up in, now irk him.

Butter tea, a staple of the hill people, now puts him off after feasting on the city’s cutting chai

Crossing a small stream by walking over a log — an everyday ritual for the residents of this area — is suddenly very difficult for him.

His parents want him to stay back in the remote village, they have a farm, they have a livelihood.

The life his parents want for him is that of a cow's or a pig's: a life full of routine and without any adventure.

He rebels, he buys a TV, he buys a car. He wants his old life back, in his new surrounding.

Slowly he accepts and remembers, he settles into a routine, finding purpose in teaching at the government school.

Taking on his father's duties on the farm, he now finds within, acceptance of his village and  customs and love for the people and land he had left behind. 

He crosses the bridge with ease. 

This is a familiar tale of many Indians , the migrant labourer forced to seek better opportunities in the city, living a life of comfort and luxury, compared to the struggles of a small village in the hills.

Now in the current economic situation, forced to leave the city, they crave the old, silently accept the new.

I'm sure many can empathise with Tashi as he struggles to settle down to a slower paced lifestyle having tasted the energy of urban India.

The movie is about stillness, its simple beautiful surroundings accentuated by the simplicity of the lives of people. 

The remoteness of the village reminds us how these folks consider places like Mumbai to be a foreign land. 

But for many of us living in the city, these remote hilly scapes are sought after, we run towards them seeing them as a foreign and exotic.

It is about finding your roots, accepting change and adapting the new to the old ways. 

For me, while I think about a homeland far away, the search for meaning and purpose in one’s own roots strikes a chord and makes me determined to follow up on my dream.

Crossing Bridges is the first movie to have been made in the Arunachali dialect of Shertukpen and the village where this is filmed serves as a window to not just a place that few recognise, but also to a different way of life.

Tug Of War

This is part of my current interest in non English language movies.

It is about empathy, humanity and love. 

It is also about gender, class, justice and honour.

How the two sets merge  in a society ruled by moral and religious upbringing. 

Everyone is right in how they see their situation and the problem. Religious beliefs are weightier than the law. 

An Iranaian movie steeped in the diktats of Islamic Law.  A peep into their society.

The story is very touching and a modern day occurrence for many families today, single adult children and old sickly parents.

The struggle to provide for the younger generation without ignoring the growing needs of the older generation

It is sad that the child is a pawn and is dragged around and entrusted with so much responsibility at a young age.

The movie never shows the young girl playing or talking with friends, instead it is always about duties.

Divorce one would assume in such a religious orthodox setting, would come with its stigma, but we see the woman emboldened to make decisions which she feels would be beneficial to her child. 

The differences which never existed and seemed unacceptable for a cause for separation at the beginning, by the end of the movie becomes irreconcilable. 

So beautifully has the situation been portrayed to reflect the changing relationship

A film filled with love without expectations.

An investigator filled with sympathy, but ruled by the law. 

The housekeeper filled with remorse, guided by only her religious beliefs 

The head of the house filled with desperation, laced with guilt

The child filled with sadness, governed by ethics

The mother filled with purpose, driven by love.

"A Separation"  won an Oscar Award for Best Foreign Language Film in 2012

A Story of Their Lives

A friend convinced me into watching this Malayalam movie, I finally gave in when I had some time during the lockdown.

Luckily the movie had subtitles in English, yes, the language helped relate better with the characters and locale. 

Set completely in a small fishing island village named Kumbalangi, this movie is about a dysfunctional family. Living in a run down, incomplete house.

My roots draw me to movies and books set in in villages which thrive on fishing. Those scenes take me back to memories of holidays, watching the boats come in, the vastness of the sea, the argumentative villagers.

There are no heroes, though I fell in love with Franky the youngest sibling. The brothers share a love hate relationship, the oldest brother is wasted, the next one is a mute, loves his life and his brothers, the 3rd sibling is a happy go lucky person, waiting for no one and nothing in particular, the youngest a school kid trying to keep the family together.

There are no stereotypes, yes the men all love their drink anytime of the day, they kick each other around, the women are strong characters who are not there to save the menfolk, but to live their own lives. By being themselves, the women encourage the men to change and improve their ways.

The story touches upon mental illness, toxic masculinity, where one of the men calls himself a " complete man" and we can feel his anger, his male supremacy, his ego and finally how holding it all in makes him lose his mind. 

It shows a grown man asking for help and breaking down and how that moment of acceptance changes his life. 

I can relate to how the action of your parents and upbringing can reflect upon your behaviour later in life, It can be the good or the bad that you learn from your parents. This is so beautifully depicted in the movie where it all turns out good.

The movie moves from being a slow motion life where each one lives for himself, a feeling of abandonment and hopelessness, to a fast paced fight for survival, filled with purpose, support and coming together, silently doing things for each other. 

Love is the binding force between the brothers, though not all are born of the same parents. The movie moves from the brothers sharing such a small space and being small minded selfish people, fighting for even a bed to sleep on, the space expands when their hearts open up, take on so many more lovingly giving them everything they own.  

Finally a home is built.

The soundtrack is soothing, the background music is timely and lifts the movie up 2-3 notches. 

The cinematography takes you on boat rides, still waters, calm nights, stolen glances, innocent love.

Makes me wonder why I waited so long to watch this masterpiece.

Kumbalangi Nights - A Movie

Family Ties

The burning question existing today: Does loss make us immune to love? 

A  tiny coastal hamlet (near Marseilles) a summer hotspot out of season, ageing siblings coming to terms with the effects of modernisation and loss. 

A slow drama, the brothers and sister are full of both nostalgia and anger; an inheritance to discuss from a father still alive, but silent, unmoving. An old couple, neighbours, family friends, struggling to survive, their young son, wanting to support them, and a young fisherman, who craves something intellectual in his otherwise silent life. 

It is about family dynamics about the past, regrets, life, death, but manages to escape sinking into boredom by looking at their changing relationships in the present. 

Very few laughable moments, but not so dark that it makes you cry. 

The one painful moment in the movie was the old couple and the decisions they take for themselves,  it is thought provoking and makes us look beyond the everyday. 

The movie takes us on slow and thoughtful walks, mending past relationships, closing on the present bitterness. Building stronger bonds and creating love out of loss. 

Instead of making it a political movie about immigrants and their causes, the director deftly uses the issues to delve into the hearts of the family members and allows them to rediscover the compassion they’ve lost during their own struggles. 

A representative film, an old house, no longer filled with life, its beauty faded but a glimmer of hope for the future through near death and new love.

This is about aging and how each one handles the change, the passage of time and regret. About taking chances with life as we heal. 

About rekindling hope and finding home. 

The House By The Sea/La Villa

The Asylum Seekers

How can something so tragic be portrayed so lovingly.

The movie follows the lives of two refugees from Central Africa, brothers, who are seeking asylum. They have left their well paid, intellectual jobs after violence in their home country forced them to come find safety for themselves in another country.

Suffering the loss of home and family and everything they have been familiar with, the young children remain strong, hopeful, loving through all the uncertainty.

Innocence lost too early.

They all find love, which is always held back in fear of that too being taken away.  There are tender moments, which shine through all the pain.

How do you hold onto your intellect and stature and finally give up that one thing you owned- dignity. 

I watch movies set in France for their beautiful locale, the Parisian love and lust for life and vibrancy.

What is most obvious here is not the presence but absence.  Lack of status, the loss of dignity, the sense of not being welcome, and of running out of legal options if there is to be any chance of remaining.

The characters merge with the dull background, the chill in the air so well portrayed through the silent and austere living. 

This movie shows the other side of French living.

How does one government decide whom to grant or deny asylum? 

The movie ends up denouncing the system which considers migrants as just bodies to be moved across cities to serve a singular purpose, rather than a humanitarian approach to  help settle and build hope for them.

The story touches you deeply now in times of the migrant crisis that has taken over my country during the recent COVID pandemic.

Home remains a hope and dream for many.

A SEASON IN FRANCE (UNE SAISON EN FRANCE)

The Makeover Challenge

The lockdown has me at home, needing distractions from the turmoil and angst I feel.

I tried looking at all my pending Udemy course

Did not go too far.

Tried reading non fiction books,the words were blurred. 

I decided to do mindless things. Watching movies and reading fiction made sense.

Brittany Runs a Marathon

This was one of the first few movies I watched.

A story of triumph, resilience, worthiness. 

Brittany's story is common. She is common.

Her life is a rut.

Broke, proud to ask for help. 

What she does decide to do after a much needed wake up call is change.

The thoughts and actions are relatable.

Fighting your emotional battles physically is something I have related to always

She sets out to achieve her goal. The New York City marathon seems like an overkill for a first, but then that's what goals are about right! 

The losing out on previous relationships because of your new found purpose and passion, finding new friends to support them are all sad and happy.

We see her succeeding, loving life. 

Then she falls, fails miserably. 

Allows herself to wallow in self pity again...

But since now she is in control of her life, she knows how to pick herself up again and goes back to her goals.

Her transformation is astounding. 

And real.

This time she does it, and she has all her viewers cheering for her. 

The movie is sad, funny, emotional, uplifting. 

To help you feel good in times when you need a laugh, when you need to know you are not alone.

It's not just another movie script, but based on the real life story of a friend of the Director of the movie- Britanny O'Neil 

If you are looking for marathon training tips, this is not for you.

If you want to believe you can start something and do that you have never done before, this is for you.