All the cheerful optimism and forced positivity makes my anxiety worsen.
The knowledge that the whole world is suffering, does not diminish the pain I am going through.
Yes, all the preaching strikes a momentary chord and makes me eager to make changes to how I am coping.
But then again as the day progresses and the environment becomes claustrophobic and expectations become unbearable, the whole situation seems to collapse on my head.
I try to find occasions to be thankful for, to create for myself a sense of gratitude.
I try to spend 30 minutes a day expending energy and building up a sweat indoors.
I try to focus for a while on the mundane activities, to distract myself from things I am not able to control.
My mind is filled with regrets, the prayer which was a meditation refuses to calm me, my religion has failed me.
It's not easy when the constant bombardment focuses on the mosquito which we squat all the while we are sweeping the elephant under the carpet.
Would this have been different if I had someone to talk to without being judged for my anger or fears?
Would this have been different if I had made choices which seemed selfish at that time?
Would this have been different if I had someone to share my burden and not consciously ignore what is obvious?
Would this have been different if I were alone?
I am left feeling empty.Though I have a full house.
I crave for silence inside my head.
I am trying!
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