Enough Said

A feel good movie.

Random surfing through channels and I caught the beginning of this movie.

With no idea or expectations, other than having time while the kids were studying, I watched.

And felt good!

The movie deals with single parents, their woes, divorced parents, their fears. 

Kids and their uncertainties.

It does not force relationships, a no nonsense story line, a very easy companionship

and 

How to make friends when your social life is limited!! 

Middle aged dating for the not so confident. 

Learning that flaws, imperfections and flab can be loveable too.

It is not an intense movie, there is no desperation to seek approval. 

Exactly what adult relationship should be about. 

When the body ages, the mind tires, yet the soul belongs! 

James Gandolfini as Albert is the loveable, quirky, huggable teddy bear. A surprisingly refreshing role which he fits into so well.

Julia Dreyfus as Eva is so comfortable in the role, she could be this person in daily life.

This too had a twist in the tale, Marianne as the bitter but better off half teaches Eva a lesson and more.

But alls well that ends well. 

A fitting tribute to James Gandolfini, this being the last movie he made. 

Watch it to feel good, watch it to believe in yourself. Watch it to appreciate the imperfections. 

Watch it!

"Enough Said"

Modern Times

Struggles are real.
Even the ones who seem to have it all, the smart kids, the popular ones. Everyone goes through their own personal wars.
Peer pressure is a killer.
Performance issues to be tackled.
Wanting to belong, cliques are all important for a teenager.
A mid teen crisis.

Love in the times of internet,
this affects the young and old alike.
Internet romance is the way to go today.
Maintaining anonymity, falling in love over words.
Is that real?

A young boy who knows what he wants and who he wants. A rare breed.

The book has everything a young adult wants, love, romance, friendship, family support, laughter, failure, tears, drama.
The prose and flow makes you want to laugh and smile.

Love the emails that are exchanged and how slowly they fall in love.
Flirtatious, cute!
How many of us can actually relate to this today! young and old alike!!

We all want to be him, her, them!

So many mails exchanged, about young love, the fear, support, dreams, insecurity.
It can apply to any one today.
No wonder it resonates so well with the youngsters.

Read it to experience the innocence of youth, the rush of passion and young love.
It's adorable!!

Come, fall in love.

“He talked about the ocean between people. And how the whole point of everything is to find a shore worth swimming to.”

― Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda

The Number Game

It is the season of 'marks and school and college admissions'. 

Common questions: 

What did your son/daughter score?

What are they going to do next?

Answers have been constant :

90% and more! 

Every student has been an outstanding performer.

How is this possible? are they all so good and so perfect that they scored perfect numbers even in theoretical papers?

Were their essays and grammar flawless?

This puts pressure on children who sit for their exams the following year.

Score high, score more, A scored so much, B studied so hard she got so much.

The pressure on average students to get 90% is now high.

The expectations on above average students to get 95% and more is now seen in the parent's eye.

College admissions have become more stringent, with top colleges demanding a 95% average for an admit. 

What is a child supposed to do? 

Reservations

"Cowards die many times before their deaths.

The valiant never taste of death but once."

Were they brave, were they cowards?

The past month, media spoke about the deaths of two celebrities.

Cause of death: Depression.

Today, Depression is the silent killer. 

It makes no reservations, no announcements. 

It does not discriminate.

It makes a corpse of moving beings, it kills passion, feelings, emotions, leading to apathy. 

''Yes, I will show up at work, I will smile and talk to you, I will complete all my tasks and go home at the end of the day. 

But would anyone understand the effort and energy it took from me to maintain that false sense of normalcy, when all I wanted was to stay locked up in my room on my bed, staring into nothingness and emptying my mind. ''

In a connected world we live in, where help is considered just a phone call away, why do we hesitate to seek that help?

Is the fear of stigma attached to the word worse than overcoming and living a peaceful life? 

Or, are our relationships so flimsy and based on social obligations, not on kindness and understanding?

Why don't so called friends, wonder why their once bubbly and chatty friend suddenly not want to talk to anyone? 

Why do we cut ourselves off considering them " drama queens" if they come to us with their issues? 

Are we doing enough for each other or are we content flaunting our seemingly happy lives for the social world. 

A 'hello' can make a difference to someone.

It could be the one word between living and dying! 

Pause, think of that friend, reach out! Call. Now....

Sounds of Silence

It's been a while since I put my thoughts into words.

There were too many days of anxiety, anger, fear which could not get translated. 

The questions never came because I was scared to know the answer.

Acceptance helped.

Doctors forced questions, some comfort, more tests.

Till, the answers we were looking for came. 

Were the answers sufficient to stop the questions?

Was prayer the answer? 

This was something we had to work on together as a family.

When the cause is unknown, we wonder if everything was the problem. 

So there are multiple solutions to address every perceivable problem!!

Today, there is a calm.

There are changes we have made within and external.

Confidence to step out, 

to eat what the tongue craves and heart desires. 

When she decides to read more on what can be done to prevent any further episodes. 

Knowing she is in charge of her life. 

Yes, anxiety still troubles me, I hit the panic button and yell on days.

I do spend nights watching... when a slight movement or noise wakes me up.

When the day was spent watching too much TV or eating something worrisome.

Or staying up too late at night.

This is not lack of faith, it is a mother's natural tendency to worry.

Today, after 6 months, she says" I am going for a sleep-over to my friend's house" 

This makes me happy even though I still question the need for it.

Knowing she has the confidence to let go of my hand.

Knowing she is prepared to face anything that may come her way.

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Mathew 17:20

When The Morning Comes

Aging is a natural process, but for a child to see their parents whom you always thought would be invincible, to look broken and in pain, is not easy.

But yet we accept that this too shall pass.

Along with aging, comes the natural process of illness, lethargy and a general sense of slowness. 

We deal with this as well. 

Conversations are around doctors, treatments, medications, alternate therapy, prayer and servitude. 

Once you have learnt to accept it all and deal with it; be prepared for the worst, comes another show stopper.

As an adult, we go through the pain of seeing our parents suffer and suffer along with our children when they fall ill. 

As a single parent, I bear the pain twice over. 

In December, when my daughter had her first seizure, I was upset, scared and worried. 

We listened to the doctor's advice and followed it well.

Nights were not dreadful, we still snuggled and cuddled.

Soon, the month passed, with not much fear. 

Till the next one struck, This time much more stronger and fearsome. 

A flurry of doctor's visits 

 (Here it helped having an appointment booked for my dad weeks in advance with a hard to get general physician)

And then within the same day, yet another one.

All at night, while sleeping.

Shaking me awake, the cries waking the younger one as well and rest of the household.

A midnight rush to emergency to help calm the nerves, 

come back to the younger one hit by shock. Fever, stomach pain, in tears.

A night of throwing up, sleeplessness and fear. 

Would the night never end, 

Is it morning yet was the question

Next day saw me running to doctors, clinics,labs, 

All tests show normalcy,

Then why this abnormality?

My mother refuses to accept reality, refuses to mouth the word epilepsy.

Grandparents suddenly seem to have aged even more in the past 2 weeks.

Their illness seems nothing compared to what has hit the young one.

One who struggled to walk, now drags himself to the doctor with the grandchild. 

Anti seizure medications are prescribed.

But still sleep eludes the two.

Nothing calms them at night, the rituals take longer.

There are dazed looks of fear by night time.

Dinner is nibbled at, only to get thrown up.

Stomach constantly upset. 

The trauma does not end there.

Bed time, once something they looked forward to, now does not seem so much fun.

They stay away, till forced into it, eyes refusing to shut, holding tight onto my hands, refusing to sleep.

This goes on for a week, nothing seems to ease their fear.

One day, exhausted,they sleep, but only briefly, even a slight twitch or movement causes them to jump up awake.

We can feel the stress and we know we should not be going through it.

The question " Why " remains unanswered.

Is it the stress? lack of less sleep? insufficient hydration? not enough exercise? too much sugar? obsessive screen time? Childhood trauma? Vitamin deficiency?

We don't know, we can guess and eliminate or increase as needed. 

I get angry, blame myself for not giving her a normal family environment.

Should I take her to a psychiatrist?

There are mixed reactions from friends- plenty of advice on what I could do or not, What I should do or not, and not without its fair share of pointing fingers about wrong parenting, wrong parent, etc etc. 

In the past 2 weeks, slowly, things are calming down, 

we sleep for 4 hours now, rest of the time goes in holding hands, hugging and lying wide awake. 

We follow a strict bed time routine, 

Prayers,
Medicines

Go to bed at a particular time, wake up early,

Get some physical activity now, slowly planning to increase it.

Plenty more water 

Less screen time.

No sugar, no caffeine. 

For a 15 years old, on the threshold of adulthood and independence, to be faced with a challenge like this, this is quite depressing. She dreams of being able to walk confidently and enjoy the life of independence she chooses.

But I know, we need to face it and accept it and live with it, for an adult who has seen enough worries and overcome them it is a little easier to face.

But for a child, it becomes difficult, there is anger and frustration. 

There is fear of being ostracised among peers in the constantly changing friends circle,

Being a teen is difficult and to be carrying a tag of being "epileptic" and not knowing when one will hit you is even more scarier. 

I will do what it takes to support her.

I will be there for her to lead a life of normalcy.

I will teach my younger daughter that this is part of life and she is not her sister's caregiver, yet show her love and support her in her suffering. 

Hey!

Let it go, this too shall pass

(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down)

OK Go

This too shall pass

Kinder Than Is Necessary

It's all about the kindness.

We are constantly questioning ourselves on whether we have been too kind to people who don't deserve it or if we are being taken for a ride by people who decide to take it for granted.

We all universally accept we are kind. 

This book is seen through the eyes of children. 

This book talks about kindness.

Being kind during any adversity is not easy and does not come naturally to many. 

Through the eyes of children, we as adults learn that kindness starts with us.

A little boy, normal by most standards, a Star Wars fan, a happy family, love and laughter.

And So much pain.

“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.” 

I picked up this book, after the movie was released. 

My daughter finished it in a day.

I took my time to savour the characters and understand the pain that being kind brought.

Going through my own worries, this taught me how a boy whose life was a struggle, could face it so calmly, I could do it too.

“Now that I look back, I don't know why I was so stressed about it all this time. Funny how sometimes you worry a lot about something and it turns out to be nothing.” 

Mr. Browne's precepts are something teachers should follow across all schools.

These are amazing truths to live by, so much that a child can bring home and share and get adults to follow as well.

For a 10 year old,living with a deformity, that made people squirm and turn away, to face life and march on, come what may, takes the kind of kindness to oneself way above any level of kindness. 

Just being kind to oneself, makes us kinder towards others. 

“If every person in this room made it a rule that wherever you are, whenever you can, you will try to act a little kinder than is necessary - the world really would be a better place. And if you do this, if you act just a little kinder than is necessary, someone else, somewhere, someday, may recognize in you, in every single one of you, the face of God.” 

Everything we read or see, we associate with our own struggles and lives, so I did with this too. 

I ask myself, when in need of a friend, " Have I been a friend?" Do not seek, unless you have offered. 

“It’s not enough to be friendly. You have to be a friend.” 

The book is so full of wonder! So filled with love, 

This goes out to all of us, who cry and complain about silly mundane stuff, but act like we don't complain, but yet say others always do.

“Its not a contest about whose days suck the most. The point is we all have to put up with the bad days.” 

This is who he is. An ordinary kid, leading an extraordinary life, inspiring others to be kinder than kind.

“It's like people you see sometimes, and you can't imagine what it would be like to be that person, whether it's somebody in a wheelchair or somebody who can't talk. Only, I know that I'm that person to other people, maybe to every single person in that whole auditorium. 

To me, though, I'm just me. An ordinary kid.” 

This is the precept that touches all of us, especially Julian at the end! And what a lovely way to end the story.

“The most important precept is to be aware of WHO WE ARE!

“Who we are,” he said, underlining each word as he said it. “Who we are! Us! Right? What kind of people are we? What kind of person are you? Isn’t that the most important thing of all? Isn’t that the kind of question we should be asking ourselves all the time? “What kind of person am I?

Learning who you are is what your are here to do.” 

And to end:

“There are always going to be jerks in the world, Auggie,” she said, looking at me. “But I really believe, and Daddy really believes, that there are more good people on this earth than bad people, and the good people watch out for each other and take care of each other.” 

I do hope I can be kinder than kind, everyday. The book inspires and makes you want to be that!

Must read for all ages!

―Wonder R.J. Palacio