Recently there was an article by Osho in the TOI on 1st March 2017
We all pride ourselves on being a good friend.
We doubt those who are not one for us when we need them.
In this writeup Osho talks about
''But don't ask, "Who is a real friend?" Ask, "Am i a real friend?" Always be concerned with yourself''
Is it human nature to give without expecting? Are we wired to share ourselves and everything we have without expecting anything in return?
if not immediately, what about when we are in need?
I am a giver, it makes me uncomfortable to receive.
Be it gifts, love, help.
Maybe because I have been single and fiercely independent for so long, not having anyone to do things for you because it is the natural thing to do or because the one person I accepted, denied me forever.
It makes you closed to receiving because you fear that makes you vulnerable.
Giving is in your control and you feel happy to give and even if the giving stops, it won't hurt.
I never ask for help unless I am desperate for it or if am so close to someone that it makes me feel comfortable asking for help.
Be it something as simple as a lift or a drop somewhere, or even them explaining something I do not know.
Osho says:
''Friendship has to be a sharing. If you have something share it -- and whosoever is ready to share with you is a friend. It is not a question that when you are in danger the friend has to come to your aid. If he comes you are grateful, but if he does not come, it's perfectly okay. It is his decision to come or not to come. You will not say to him, "When I was in need you didn't turn up -- what kind of friend are you?"
Allowing yourself to get a little close to someone, exposes you to that expectations.
The one thing I always needed help with was running!
A fear or ignorance, made me ask for help.
And there were friends who helped me make that start towards something which today is a lifeline.
Early mornings, late evenings, deserted trails, crowded parks.
They were there, 8 years ago.
Today, I am still grateful to those friends and I try and show my gratitude by giving! Love, small tokens of happiness, time.
But when it needed to progress beyond their comfort zone, I turned to others with more experience.
Little did I realise, that relationships were different, people were different.
Not everyone treats you the same.
I gave someone so much of myself, never expecting anything in return! Friendship of the highest form.
yet it made me ask
"When I was in need you didn't turn up -- what kind of friend are you?"
Not once, not twice, every time!
That made me doubt my relationship, was it not wrong to expect!
And so I told myself to continue giving! Trained my mind not to expect!!
When they are willing to give that same help to others, their time for others, denying you... again and again....
we tend to ask, am I giving enough, maybe I am not!
Is this not the Golden Rule?
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
or
Maybe they don't consider me a friend.
So I end up giving more of myself!
Was I trying too hard to be nice!
Like everyday, you wake up to smell the roses and realise the bushes are pruned!!
It is necessary they say.
Maybe that is the sign. That was the message I had overlooked!
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