There's a Lot You Can Do Over Coffee

 

A year ago, small lane, a coffee shop

And that is how it all started!

More laughter, less talk

It had begun….

  

Groups were formed, strangers met!

Committees formed, contacts re-established!

Some hits, some misses, some heartaches, some joys!

The journey was long, time was short!

 

Deadlines, plans.

Tickets booked, cancelled, rebooked!

Dates were set; reset.

Packing, repacking, trials and last minute shopping!

 

Sunny day, perfect weather!

Aged, worn out, falling apart college.

Evergreen spirits.

20 years disappeared!

 

The identifying game was fun, with lots of errors!

Hugs, handshakes and smiles all over!

Photos clicked, more memories created, laughter and bonding.

Friends, strangers, friends.

More coffee!!

 

Night time brought with it another story!

Planning was key, execution was the winner!

 

Together we made it happen,

Together we look towards the future.

Awaiting, anticipating, expecting….

 

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I was blessed with long, luxuriously thick hair.
It snaked down my waist during my heydays and I had to lift my hair out of the way when I sat.
Then came chop-chop days and taking care of a baby, I decided to keep it shorter for the sake of convenience.
And running days brought it even shorter and closer to the shoulder.

Through it all, it remained wavy and thick and filled me with pride.
A haircut, though emotional, never filled me with fear.
I knew they could do no wrong. I was the blessed one! I had naturally beautiful hair.
 “It grows back fast, it is difficult to manage! Just go ahead and cut it short, layer it!” is all I would say!
And yes, I always walked out looking and feeling like I owned the world!!

Till that one fateful day.

Preparations were on for a 20 year college reunion in a week's time and all I wanted was for my waves to frame my face! Be the one with the best hair even after 20 years.
I sat on the chair and mouthed “layer it to the shoulders’’
My regular stylist was not there, yet I trusted and let myself doze away to the soothing tunes playing on the radio.

Suddenly a jolt woke me from my day dream!
Horror!! Worse I have never seen, I saw my locks all over the floor, chopped blunt at places and lopsided in places!!! Even an ugly tuft on the right above my ear, which would not stay down even with gel!
So close cropped, so short and scraggy and painfully thin at the bottom a bouffant like look at the top of the crown.
My once flowing hair, now resembled a butcher’s hack!
No, it did not frame my face as it away does, instead left me with a stern and puffy look!!
I could not recognise the person in the mirror.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, could I say anything, NO, she still had a little more left to get done, any negative comment may have strange repercussions.

The word I use is UGLY! I felt and looked it!!
I walked out blinded by tears and the sun in my eyes.

Came home to shocked stares from the family, my already deflated ego, getting a punch from their looks!!!
‘’Its only Hair, it will grow back’’ says one!!
Easy to say, yes, it grows, but not in a week and definitely when cut so short and terribly will take months to grow and balance out!!
‘’You look nice says another’’, I know they are just being nice!!
‘’It will grow in and the funny tuft on the right will then fall in place’’, says yet another, Like their honesty, but I lack understanding right then!
''You look like Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai'' says my daughter!! UUuuuughhh! Not the look I was trying to achieve!

Hair as I’ve known it all my life reflects a statement, its personal, its sexual, it’s a reflection of the inner beauty, a crowning glory.
I tried experiments with my daughters' barrettes, long forgotten scarves to hide the hideousness, tried tiny clips to keep the lumpy out of place tuft in place, tried oiling it to  make it comply!! Nothing helped.

My once pride was now my downfall!

My little daughter gave me hugs and kisses to make me feel better.
After 3 days of staring at myself in the mirror, trying to get used to the different me (will not use the word new, because I look old and stressed and prefer the old me)

Stress has made me eat more cakes! Drink more coffee and yes eat the buttery cookies as well!!
I had thoughts of cancelling my ticket and giving my reunion plans a miss!
My Google history will show my need for serious counselling.

Anne Hathaway said “I’ve now done back-flips out of windows, I’ve jumped off buildings,” she said. “And cutting my hair reduced me to, like, mental patient-level crying. I was inconsolable.”
Exactly how I feel!

The truth:    I don’t want people to see my face.  I would never change my profile pic with my current look! I only want a happy smiling face, softened by a cloud of hair. I feel exposed by this cut, the fine lines of ageing, the sadness around the eyes and the wryness about the mouth all are out there for the world to view!

While I am going through an emotional upheaval in life, maybe this is a lesson I needed to learn.
Letting go-you cannot control everything!
This too shall pass and hair too shall grow!

Till then, I will dry the tears and be a woman!!

 

 

 

 

Rayil Sneham

When young, I recall watching a series on TV by K Balachander, called “Rayil Sneham”

It talks about relationships on the go. About the people we meet, becoming friends, some more, but not necessarily lovers.

“Rayil Sneham” loosely translates as ‘’train love’’ And very often that is what our relationships remain, passing by, for the night, exchange of family stories, sometimes some heartbreaks. This in the era of postal and telephone communication- mobile phones, internet were still unheard of. The efforts to stay in touch was more than what we have at our fingertips today.

Yet some Rayil Sneham flourished, they kept in touch. Especially in times of joys and sorrows. When needed help, sometimes to reach out to help.

Being in Bangalore for the past 10 years, having gone through losses and gains, having lived and studied in several towns and cities in India and US over the past 40 years, many journeys were taken.

Met a lot of people, I can honestly admit to having helped many in their lives, shaping them, encouraging them.  I am grateful to those who stopped by to help me and then went on their way.

Some Sneham went deeper and continued longer. Some remain on the surface, but still gives a good laugh when you do meet.

I love train journeys and yearned for it when I was leaving school.  Yes, the dirty loos, the snoring old man, the grouchy old lady who yells at your modern ways, the screaming kids can be irritants. Yet, there is an anticipation in journeys, a sense of excitement….. The meeting of new people!

Every journey taken teaches us a lesson in life, good or bad.  The biggest lesson I learned from one such important Sneham which has survived through the years, is “expect nothing.” This is attaining the highest level of Nirvana, to give of yourself without expecting, to give knowing you will get nothing in return.

So I tried that, but being human, I tend to forget and expect and hurt. I hardened myself after every such let down and today I have reached a stage where I hold back to give and yes, don’t expect.

I don’t like the New Me, the unemotional, unavailable me is very clinical in my relationships. I am restrained and look at every co-passenger with wary eyes.  

Rayil Snehams are important and complete you.  I miss the ones I lost on the way, but remain content knowing some more will come my way.

So here I get back to BEING ME.

 

Happy Together

An ode to the city I call home!

10 years ago, I reached this city with 2 small babies, a barely surviving marriage and an uncertain future.

The city took me in.

It seemed Familiar, but remained Alien!

Bangalore in 2005 was different from my city of 1995.
It was bigger, crowded and faster; coming from a quiet small suburb of Cleveland, gave me a culture shock.

I felt alone!

Yet, I survived.

It gave me a job, an assurance, a commitment to support when trust broke down.

A whole new world soon welcomed me!
Work- new friends and old.  Relationships-people and places.

Slowly the familiarity returned and comfort set in.

Comfort to soak in its richness, friendliness, its charm and beauty.

It won me over. 
I was no more alone, the city was my friend.

Remains my friend!

Thank You!