Here Comes The Sun

Birthdays are always special,

not just for the celebrant, but for their family, friends and colleagues!!

There is cake- my favourite ones, plenty of flowers of my favourite kind, there are bumps and free flowing laughter on most occasions. And Lots of Love - my favourite kind.

45 is an age, I refer to as the "Age of the Ultra" 

But circumstances are ensuring Ultra remains a dream.

And I continue to work towards fulfilling it.

Every birthday reminds me of the one which I can never forget. 

The happy one at times, but rudely, the ones which bring the tears.

Memories remain, but the pain is gone.

So we celebrate in ways appropriate. 

An early birthday celebration with classmates who turned friends, with extended family - strangers no more. This kicked off the celebration days in advance and helped create better memories.

Grateful for friends who accept and love me for the person I am.

This day was guaranteed to remain a quiet, no excitement, me and mine day...

Till the past crept upon me in ways I never would have imagined a month ago. 

It brought with it memories, smiles, anticipation and maybe closures.

And a chance meeting.

A very special birthday gift! 

And another meeting from the not so distant past. 
A medley of emotions.

Each a different reason, as different as night and day. 

Bringing with it a different season.

"It's been a long cold lonely winter

it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun

And I say it's ALL right!"

Here Comes the Sun

Look forward to new beginnings and many more journeys around the sun!

Happy Birthday to me!

Bicycling Diaries

Wednesday being a holiday here, I decided to catch up on some afternoon cycling before the kids took over the roads.

I circled the block once, saw a stranger( defined as someone I have never seen before in my complex) with a worried look.

Not used to interfering where I'm not needed, I continued circling the block.

I found few kids running around and wanted to get my 10 K in before more of them came.

The next time I saw her she was with another neighbour ( defined as someone who lives in my apartment complex and I have had casual conversations with) also with a  very worried look and walking rapidly around the block.

I stopped.

and asked if there was a problem,.

"Children missing" she said and asked if I had seen a boy and girl together. 

I had seen few kids, but no boys. 

The stranger, said her kids were missing. They were playing in the park and were not there anymore.

Our apartment complex is safe. That is the reason I choose to live here. 

We have security round the clock and around the blocks.

We have only one functional gate.

There are cameras.

Yet, we have had our own stories of delivery boys and thievery.

I continued cycling, now looking inside the parking lots and between the buildings. 

I went back and met her near the park.

Panic had set in.

Security guards were walking around. Little kids were running around.

The mother was shaking. 

What do we do when something like this happens to us.

We lose our head, we fail to think and sequence out events.

We panic! 

That is why we reach out to others. 

An outsider who can stay calm and think through situations.

I stopped, all thoughts of cycling now gone.

Spoke to her, asked if she was visiting someone here. 

She mentioned she had moved in recently ( 2 weeks back) 

her kids were 5 and 8 years old. 

They were playing in the park with the other kids, but when she came down they were not there.

It had been an hour since then.

I asked about the school they went to, if they had friends in the complex.

She said they knew no one and the only person they knew was the girl who was running around in search of them.

I asked if they may have gone to someone else's house, she insisted they knew no one and would not do that.

How quick we are to forget the natural tendency of kids.

They trust easily, they make friends out of strangers without a thought or fear. 

Being a holiday and the afternoon, there was no one around.

Other than the kids and the two women.

Some gardening staff and the security, Few drivers hanging around.

Office was closed 

Someone had to take charge. 

I told the security to get the keys to the office and have a look at the security camera.

he insisted that no kid had walked out, he was there are the gate, or someone was always there

I believed him.

They take their job seriously here.

Still for the sake of elimination, I requested them to go to the manager's home for the keys.

Next the cleaning staff were sent to all the toilets and storage rooms in all the blocks to have a look.

Sometimes kids sit around there, or maybe get locked in??

The security were made to walk and check behind each car park to check if they were not playing hide and seek. Innocence of kids!!

The kids were sent to check between the apartment blocks where there was plenty of hiding space.

The final person to talk to was the mom who was now in tears.

Questions were repeated, 

Did the kids remember the apartment number?

Did they have other friends

Do they use the lift by themselves.

Did you check inside the apartment before you came down?

I thought back to my kids and the anxious moments I have had with them.

All came back with no sign of the kids.

I realised that they were in someone's apartment or sitting near the terrace entrance. 

My kids have done that. 

I sent the kids out on another mission now.

Go scream the two children's names floor to floor and building by building. 

The mother was sent home to wait near the apartment. 

I could feel the anxiety and felt for her.

I would have done the same, lost my cool, my usual clear thinking head if this had been my kids.

I have been in such situations and gone to various apartments looking for my kids. I have always found them laughing, 

at that moment, I would yell, out of relief, 

they would continue doing it over the years, not realising how much of anxiety they had caused in me. 

The kids were found, 

they were sitting in another apartment with other children they had not known before, 

a random afternoon invite and they were laughing and playing and making friends like how kids should do.

Do we step in when needed?

Do we take charge when we know we can?

Do we have a clear head when others around us lose theirs?

Would we stop to help a stranger?

Voice Of A Distant Star

I should thank the book Gods or my daughter for handing me some good books to read.

One of a kind books which make you love yourself because you read.

These are the best kind of books.

This I read while traveling.  All in a day's journey.

It talks about the social and political discrepancies existing in a society.

The approach is brutal and raw in many places, leaving you angry and sad for the marginalised population.

It could happen anywhere in the world, more so, where there is a marked difference between the haves and have nots. 

The author deftly handles questions on racism, discrimination, prejudices, the answers not always pleasant, but keeping it real.

The storyline is set around a family, community, the support, being there, friendship, love even when it is easy to hate. 

Love the way the author depicts the importance of family and the love which is always there. In every small action, without being overly loud and obvious. Love exists. Even on our worst days.

“At an early age I learned that people make mistakes, and you have to decide if their mistakes are bigger than your love for them.” 

The most important aspect of the book is about being brave. 

A young girl, who is taught to be brave even when she fears. Making us understand the difference yet the connect which exists. 

A young girl is taught to use her voice for something very powerful, and learns that, by itself, it is enough to make a difference. 

“What's the point of having a voice if you're gonna be silent in those moments you shouldn't be?”

It is about being authentic and true to yourself, about being resilient, about the passion that exists within us,consequences of actions and decisions. 

It is a book for the young adult, who is gaining independence in life, yet needs the support of love and guidance of the more experience and world wise family and friends.

It is for girls who are confused about where they belong, who are their real friends, what parents really want for them.

“Sometimes you can do everything right and things will still go wrong. The key is to never stop doing right.” 

What made me love this book- the star of the book is Starr, she handles life and death and black and white.Everyday.

Somehow as I read the book I pictured Lupita Nyong’o playing Starr-(I know she does not act in the soon to be released movie!) 

I left the pages feeling good for my daughter knowing she had read it, knowing in some way, the book would touch her and give her the courage even in fear. 

“Brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you go on even though you're scared.” 

The Hate U Give

-Angie Thomas

Cause And Effect

“Inertia, force, mass, gravity, velocity, acceleration. . .cause and effect.

Liz Emerson doesn't understand any of it.

But I do.

I understand how we fall. Where we fall. Why we fall.

I understand her sadness and loneliness and silence, her shattered heart.

It doesn't have to be this way, does it?

It wasn't always this way, was it?

Stay alive, Liz Emerson, stay alive.” 

Is life all about cause and effect?

This is how I grew up,

"You are sick today, because you played in the rain.

Your child is suffering because of your sins."

We believe in karmic justice. 

What goes around comes around.
Everything that goes wrong is blamed on past transgressions.

I bought this book for my daughter.

But I read it before her.

It was confusing in the beginning,

It follows a non linear pattern, which by itself is a give-away. 

I was unsure who was telling the story, it followed various relationships across the years.

It took a while to get used to it, 

Thats when you realise it is depressing. 

It makes you sad. 

There are no fun times, no laughter, no sweet young teenage romance. And it is about a  teenage girl and her friends. 

The characters are extremely unlikeable.

They go out of their way to hate and cause havoc upon poeple they hate and also those whom they love. 

Your words and actions which to you may seem harmless, have a lasting effect on others.

This book is about privileges and the ways they can be misused,

about depression, not just being a feeling of sadness but also the actions it can lead towards, 

about loneliness even though you may seem to have everything and everyone around you.

Why we are unable to reach out for help at times.

How you start to feel the world would be a better place without you. 

“She finally figured out that she, Liz Emerson, was the equal and opposite reaction. She was the consequence.” 

It is an extremely thought provoking book and asks the right questions to parents and young adults.

What is the purpose of your life, what effect does our action have on others, how do we influence others by them, what societal pressure do we take upon ourselves to belong? 

“Funny things, aren't they? People. They only believed in what they could see. Appearances were all that mattered, and no one would ever care what she was like on the inside. No one cared that she was breaking apart.” 

How we lose ourselves somewhere in the search for happiness.

About being strong. Which is not always a good thing, 

Problems are real and we need to face them and seek help. 

To accept help when it is given. 

“She was tired. Gravity pulled at her more aggressively than usual. When she closed her eyes, she could feel it, dragging her deeper, deeper. I would have pulled her back. I would have saved her from falling, but she didn’t see my hand.” 

Everyone has their problem, big or small. 

This book makes it all realistic, it strikes a chord within me for the inner struggles faced and the emotional upheaval a person goes through. The emptiness on a busy day. 

“She wanted to go back. She wanted to be a little girl again, the one who thought getting high meant being pushed on the swing and pain was falling off her bike.” 

This book deals with drugs, casual sex, drinking, rash driving, pregnancy, poor grades, disrespect to authority. 

It is everything you do not want to be exposed to, it is all that you do not want your teenage daughter to know about.

Yet, i think this story is for all the teenagers who are influencing each other as well as being influenced by others.

It is everything a parent should know. It may help understand yourself better and deal with your children a lot more kinder.

There are so many moments in the book I could relate to and I felt myself tearing up and my senses being kicked hard. 

Some of Liz's past tells us about how her future is shaping up.

What can we do today, to make our tomorrow better.

Newton's laws applied to life. 

“It is then, when she releases her need to understand, that everything falls into place.” 

I started reading the book expecting nothing, did not like it when I started, read it with hatred for the characters, started liking them for their rawness, loved the book when I finished. 

I recommend this book to all parents and older teens.

I recommend this book for all counsellors dealing with kids and parents. 

Read

“There's more to life than cause and effect.” 

― Amy Zhang, Falling into Place

Doors

I recall watching a movie where an army crosses a moat rushing down the bridge with a battering ram and crashing it against the locked castle doors. 

They step back and come back with more force, the noise and impact jarring. Yet the doors do not budge.

Within the castle, against the door, there is turmoil. 

The doors stand steady against the constant battering. 

I watch amazed at the strength of the doors, the steady state against rest of the world. 

But, the tipping point is reached and the doors cave in, the enemy outside rushes within, 

there is massacre and plunder. 

The war is over, but the fight is not.

There is still strength left, they pick up the lost pieces, rebuild the doors and raise it majestically to continue their fight against the evil powers outside. 

Year 2018.

No Drama Llama I told myself.

Don't create it

Don't invite it

Don't associate with it

6 months into it, am a better me, because am all me. 

I have stopped making my issues bigger than me, have stopped feeding the molehills. 

Lesser toxic people, more real friends. 

No baggage to try and offload, no heartaches thanks to fewer expectations from others.

I understood this sentence so much better.

“Resilient people identify those who are available, trustworthy and helpful. Then they go towards this light,” 

The answers I seek, I find in solitude. 

They come when I least expect it.

I had tickets booked and vacation plans made for a trip to the mountains for a week early September.

My plans went awry which are a common happening when kids and parents are your sole responsibility.

The old me, would have cried and complained to all my "friends" about my sorry predicament.

The new me, canceled the tickets, the bookings, accepted the situation and read a book!!!

Today makes it a month of no running. It hurts me not to be able to have that release I need, but prioritising on what's more important to those important to me has made me change how I feel and I know I can bounce back into it soon. 

I despair about not giving my children the life they deserve, social circles adding to their feeling of inadequacies and insufficiencies.  There is still time I tell, we will cross this phase one day at at time I tell them. 

When I am struck by anxiety and a surge of loneliness, I close my eyes and let the feeling of self pity and fear pass, knowing very well " This too shall pass" 

The battering rams, never give up. They come at you with more force every time you pull yourself back, but the strength within and faith makes you rise again and again!!  

Enough Said

A feel good movie.

Random surfing through channels and I caught the beginning of this movie.

With no idea or expectations, other than having time while the kids were studying, I watched.

And felt good!

The movie deals with single parents, their woes, divorced parents, their fears. 

Kids and their uncertainties.

It does not force relationships, a no nonsense story line, a very easy companionship

and 

How to make friends when your social life is limited!! 

Middle aged dating for the not so confident. 

Learning that flaws, imperfections and flab can be loveable too.

It is not an intense movie, there is no desperation to seek approval. 

Exactly what adult relationship should be about. 

When the body ages, the mind tires, yet the soul belongs! 

James Gandolfini as Albert is the loveable, quirky, huggable teddy bear. A surprisingly refreshing role which he fits into so well.

Julia Dreyfus as Eva is so comfortable in the role, she could be this person in daily life.

This too had a twist in the tale, Marianne as the bitter but better off half teaches Eva a lesson and more.

But alls well that ends well. 

A fitting tribute to James Gandolfini, this being the last movie he made. 

Watch it to feel good, watch it to believe in yourself. Watch it to appreciate the imperfections. 

Watch it!

"Enough Said"

Modern Times

Struggles are real.
Even the ones who seem to have it all, the smart kids, the popular ones. Everyone goes through their own personal wars.
Peer pressure is a killer.
Performance issues to be tackled.
Wanting to belong, cliques are all important for a teenager.
A mid teen crisis.

Love in the times of internet,
this affects the young and old alike.
Internet romance is the way to go today.
Maintaining anonymity, falling in love over words.
Is that real?

A young boy who knows what he wants and who he wants. A rare breed.

The book has everything a young adult wants, love, romance, friendship, family support, laughter, failure, tears, drama.
The prose and flow makes you want to laugh and smile.

Love the emails that are exchanged and how slowly they fall in love.
Flirtatious, cute!
How many of us can actually relate to this today! young and old alike!!

We all want to be him, her, them!

So many mails exchanged, about young love, the fear, support, dreams, insecurity.
It can apply to any one today.
No wonder it resonates so well with the youngsters.

Read it to experience the innocence of youth, the rush of passion and young love.
It's adorable!!

Come, fall in love.

“He talked about the ocean between people. And how the whole point of everything is to find a shore worth swimming to.”

― Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda