Ticked Off

She looked at her phone for the 28^th time since she had woken up. 
It was only 8:15 AM
Her message sent at 7:45 PM still showed 2 grey ticks!
Last seen status showed as 8:11 AM
Why had he not responded?
He had always replied, quickly, briefly, with a quirky message or with an emoji!

What was he doing?
What did he do last night? Was he seeing someone else?  Was he out with friends?
It was Tuesday, so obviously he had no calls, which means he was free. So why did he not reply to the message yet?
Should she send him another message now?

He is online…..
Maybe he will respond now.
But why did he not reply yet?
Ego is larger than anger!

 9:00 AM
At work!
Checks phone!
Lots of other messages from many other friends, wishing her a good day!

Not him!

What is wrong?
Was she being too pushy and pushed him away?
Was it something she said?
She checked her phone again to see the message she had sent. It was a playful message as usual, the kind he liked….
Was he busy talking to his ex-girl friend?? Was she back in his life again?

10:00 AM
In a meeting, furtive glances at the phone.
He is online, quickly sends him a short “hello, all well?”

11:00 AM
Over with meeting, can’t wait to check the phone for her messages.
He is still online, the two grey ticks dominate her sent messages.
Cannot focus on work now, should she call instead?

No, he is online, why should I, all it takes is a “hello am busy, will talk later”

12:30 PM
Lunch time, busy with friends and lunch out today,  an eye on the phone always…
Anxious, sad.

2:00 PM
Back at office, chatting with other friends.
Always an eye on his status.

3:30 PM
Depressed, upset, sure something is wrong, never has a day gone by without her messages blinking rapidly.

4:30 PM
Need a coffee to overcome this. 
Wraps up all the work halfheartedly and leaves home at 6:30 PM

Not in a mood to meet anyone or talk about what she feels, she heads to the closest book store.
Moody, upset, angry, can feel the heaviness in her heart and mind.
She thought he was her friend.

6:30 PM
Swallowing her ego, she tries his number, it rings.
Does not answer.
Now, the sadness fuels her anger.
It deepens.

She stops by at a department store, grabs something for a  quick dinner and rushes home.

8:15 PM
Refuses to check her phone.
She can hear the beeps coming in, but still holds on.
Anger and frustration built up inside her.

9:15 PM
Finishes her dinner, clears the kitchen and takes her phone.
No….Other friends have been sending messages, her groups have been active.
Still two grey ticks on the messages to him.
All other messages sent to other friends are now blue.

Last seen: 9:12 PM
Now, reasoning is lost, Pride is hurt.
She doesn’t need to have such a friend.
She deserved more than being ignored thus.
She was not wrong in wanting more from him.
He had always promised her more. So why should she be the one left wanting.
She had other friends.

She could live without talking to him.

9:58 PM
Quickly blocks him. No more thoughts!
Deletes his number next.
Clean cut!
 
10:02 PM
He realizes he misses talking to her.
Checks her online status, cannot see her last seen status, maybe she decided to not display that information.
Sends her a message, single grey tick.

11:00 PM
Single grey tick

12:03 AM
Single grey tick

6:30 AM
Single grey tick

8:15 AM
Tries calling her on his way to work.
Does not pick up.
Single grey tick

Salt and Pepper

Whoever said age is just a number, never did learn his counting!

My first white strand appeared soon after my 40th!
The one which was to be celebrated in Casablanca at Rick's cafe or eating Baklava in Turkey!
But I spent my post birthday worrying about color changes in front of my mirror.
Which of course contributed to increasing my by then several whites!

For a while I kept it a closely combed secret! Being blessed with lusciously thick otherwise jet black glossy hair, the few whites remained carefully hidden!
But I knew and a furtive search for more caused me to let my little secret out!
I had to take my little girls in confidence.
They too searched and alas were luckier than me! They found more stragglers where my eyes could not reach!!

I thought of good looking hunks read Milind Soman and his distinguished salt and pepper looks, Indira Gandhi and her dash of white, well they had already made a mark, I had a long way to go...
Hair dye? No.... That was for oldies... First signs of denial..
A new hairstyle to keep the secret well hidden... To cut my once below the butt hair even shorter than my now shoulder length seemed like sacrilege to me.
Henna... Reds the white, blackens the black.
So that's what I started doing

And upped my Amla intake!
And started working out like crazy to get back to "looking younger"

I am a worrier!
I worry for my own, you and yours!
I worried that my whites showed...
I saw my contemporaries sporting their whites and baldness and scanty hair with pride!
I heard them say how lovely and young I looked and wanted to know if I dyed my hair black!

I proudly said Au Naturel` and wondered if they did see my carefully tucked little secret blowing in the wind.

One year later and several numbers later I know my Black changes to White! There are no Grays! 

I suppose they are a symbol of my maturity, intellect and adds a dash of dignity!

I stopped crazy work outs and now run for fun! Am happy being me!

 I carry my whites with pride which tend to show up now and then.....like shining stars on a moonless sky!

Being Single

I have been single for more years than I was married.

But I have 2 big school going kids to show for that short marriage!

Many conversations with strangers and acquaintances leave them embarrassed and me wondering what is wrong with people!!

Many start thus with random strangers ( aka called kids’ friends’ parents)

She: You are Ak1’s mom?

Me: Yes and you are XYZ’s mom? I’m Shiromi.

She: Yes, can I have your number!!!!

Numbers exchanged ( Being popular girls’ mom gets my number asked more often than I get my number asked for being me!!!)

She: how does your daughter always manage to do well in everything, we always talk about her!

Me:  I am a strict mom (smiling, unsure how they would take the truth)

She: Do you work?

Me: Yes, am in HR

She: What about your husband?

Me: I don’t have one, am divorced!!

Silence! Conversation stopper!!!

She: I am sorry!

Me: Don’t be!!

The end!

He:  You are Ak2’s mom?

Me:Yes, You must be Abc’s dad! He takes after you!

He: Yes! I see you here at school for all functions, do you work?

Me: Yes, I work in a software firm.

He:  What about your husband?

Me: I’m divorced!

He: Mumbles something and looks at his phone looking for an escape!

Then there are the other kinds of people!! The ones who decide that their life sucks and yours rock!!

The ones who know you are single and have your parents with you.

She: how do you manage to stay so thin?

Me: It takes effort! I run

She: Oh, how do you find time?

Me: I make time, I wake up at 4:30 am to fit in running!

She: Oh, you are so lucky, I have to wake up to cook and get the children ready, how do you manage?

Me: My mother does the cooking, I have a cook to help with dinner as well.

She: Oh you are soo lucky, you have your mother to help! I have to do everything by myself!

Me: I pay a premium for the cook and cleaning girl to ensure my mom doesn’t have to struggle and pay a premium for the apartment which is 5 mins walk away from school!

She: Oh you are so lucky, your mother is there to supervise them!

Me: speechless!! 

I constantly hear people complain about having to live with parents/in-laws and not having their privacy, not able to go out for dinner, not  able to live their lives.

Did they ever wonder, if those same parents/in laws had wanted their privacy and asked them to leave home while growing up, what would they have done as kids?

I hear about spouses being nagging, not being considerate and how unhappy they are and how lucky I am that I get to live my life the way I want and wear what I want and go where I want.

Would they consider a divorce to earn that so called happiness they miss?

I hear “friends” say how lucky I am to have my parents with me and “not have to worry about anything”

Do they realize that they could too if they chose, but they choose not to!!!

I hear a lot about how marriage is such a pain and how they miss their freedom!!

I also get to hear about how I can “sleep around” while they are stuck to being monogamous!!!!!

I sometimes wonder if they say it to make me feel bad!!!

To all those who are the constant complainers and who think my life is “awesome” this is what I say:

“Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing” Ramakrishna Paramahansa. 

And of course

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TJ7tW3188o