Goodbye 2014! Hello 2015

The year that went by saw so much happening in my life!

Made new friends, lost some old ones! achieved some goals, failed at few! Learnt patience, practiced it rarely! Let go at times, held back more often!

Early 2014 also saw a lot of resolutions being made.

We make resolutions to stay fit, eat healthy, be calmer, nicer, work harder, build a career, change the world around us and so on.

Come January, the resolutions still remain, but become  a flitting thought rather than an action.

February brings a twinge of guilt, March gets you moving a bit.

Summer months seem to be a little better and you do a bit to work towards those resolutions which were made 4 months ago.

But work and life take over and the resolutions are once again forgotten  till December.

Leaving us defeated of a purpose we set for ourselves and see ourselves failing at simple things!

We do achieve something new every year, sometimes something big!

We are all in need of something/ to have or to do. We make promises to ourselves and others to get it done and spend 365 days searching for a point to start and berate ourselves when not done!

No more end of year resolutions! Why do we  have to wait  until 31^st December to make changes to your lives.

Make your promises, set your goals, just don’t wait for the end of the year to do it!

Make them count, break them up! Plan for them when the thought arises. It can be June, it can be September.

Be realistic, be patient, stay focused.

Celebrate the 1 kg weight loss, why wait till you reduce 5 kgs!

Savor the journey, not just the destination. For sometimes- the road may take you on a completely unplanned trip!

This year, am starting a “rememberlutions”

It’s the happiness jar! Or box or trunk if you can fill it up!

I will not berate myself on all my failures, but celebrate success!

Anything I do which makes me happy, goes into the jar as a note or a memorabilia to look back upon towards the end of the year.

Celebrate life as you live it!

Whatever's worrying you, reach out and accept it. Embrace it -- no matter what and change it no matter what time of the year it may be. Don't wait for the year to end! Just do it!

Promise yourself only one thing – to try to change a little bit of yourself every day. And watch the world change around you!

Have a marvelous and fulfilling 2015!

Adrenaline rush!

Soon after college studies, I moved to Delhi.

Delhi was the proverbial land of milk and honey. Coming from a small town in Tamil Nadu, it seemed like the land of plenty.

It was winter when I went there and I remember afternoons sitting with a shawl wrapped around me in the balcony, enjoying the afternoon sun, watching the trees in the park across our house.

In my hands always something to munch on- either hot pakodas or cold ice creams or yummy kheer and hot tea.

When in Rome do as the Romans. So I ate.....loved the Mother Dairy ice creams, so fresh, creamy and flavorful.

Ate the varieties of pastries and puffs which were available at the bakery close by.

Fresh fruits and vegetables!! Chicken shawarmas and tandooris!!

And of course, it was too cold to do anything more!!

So I ate and ate and paid the price!!

When I did make the trip back down south to Goa, I weighed 10 Kgs more than what I had when I had moved to Delhi!

I felt the weight, looked the weight! And carried it all around!

So, I decided to lose the extra!

And that is how my running journey began.

Early morning, along the river Mandovi I started my daily run. Just enough to get me sweating.

I did lose the weight and felt good!

Then started my evening runs, up the hill, along with friends to the beautiful Chimbel valley.  

So I ran.

Soon life took over and I moved back to Delhi and the only running I did was to catch my bus to work every morning!

Moving to Hyderabad truned me into a party animal and running took a backseat.

Mumbai made me love life! The city kept me happy.

Moving to US was a big change! To a city where winters were longer than summers.

Where I first saw and experienced snow! It was cold and depressing. The white blanket soon turned to grey sleet!

I once again started eating and gaining pounds! And here I was in land of plenty

So running came to my rescue.

Once the weather was bearable to step out, I bought a pair of running shoes and ran!

I ran with the wind and cold beating down on me, the snow crunching under my feet as I greeted other morning runners!

I saw a whole new world through my running shoes!

Of course I lost the weight but continued my assault on doughnuts and ice-creams and chocolates and cheese!!

Babies and mommy hood slowed down my running but I still managed to sneak in a 2 mile once in a while around our lake.

But my current craze for running  stemmed from another cause.

Divorce is a painful thing! It’s not easy on you or kids!

Stressful and never ending!

Depressing.

I had to get all the pent up frustration out of my system. I felt myself being consumed by anger and hatred which were seeking outlets.

I did not see the purpose for my life.

So I turned toward the one thing which had never let me down when I needed it before! Running!

It helped!

Morning or evening when I felt the sadness engulf me, when I felt the anger erupt in me, when I felt the tears welling in my eyes, when I felt the music dying… I ran!

What was overwhelming now seemed to be in my control. What was once a feeling of depression was now a feeling of being in charge.
It helped me let go of what was not doing me any good!

It got me hooked and today I am a wholesome person. I don’t carry my sadness around my shoulders.

I have a purpose and I love it!

I live my life!

I don’t need any make up, I wear my smile on a clear face!

The after glow of a good run stays long after the make up washes away!

If running is not what gets you going, try another other sport or game!

It’s the endorphins which kick in once you start an activity which is followed with passion!

It lasts longer than a run!

Try yoga, badminton, swimming, squash, walking, cycling, anything which gets those body parts moving and heart pumping! And adrenaline rushing!

Do it alone, with friends,  or make it a bonding session with your spouse and kids!

Watch yourself smile more, stay sane longer!

Watch your worries leave you and turn you into a more calm, composed and fitter you! You deserve it!

The old lady walking around the block at 6:00 am

She must be 80 years old, she struggles to walk at a stretch and sits down every 3-4  mins

But she still does it! She still makes the effort to wake up, get out of bed and get moving.

I see her  greet others in the morning, cheerful, smiling. She has served her purpose well and held her great grandchildren in her arms.

She tells me,

“I don’t want to fall sick and cause trouble to my son and his family. I walk so that I may die healthy and naturally in my sleep”  

Yes, I continue running because it is now a habit.   

It’s my answer, my religion and my prayer.

Ticked Off

She looked at her phone for the 28^th time since she had woken up. 
It was only 8:15 AM
Her message sent at 7:45 PM still showed 2 grey ticks!
Last seen status showed as 8:11 AM
Why had he not responded?
He had always replied, quickly, briefly, with a quirky message or with an emoji!

What was he doing?
What did he do last night? Was he seeing someone else?  Was he out with friends?
It was Tuesday, so obviously he had no calls, which means he was free. So why did he not reply to the message yet?
Should she send him another message now?

He is online…..
Maybe he will respond now.
But why did he not reply yet?
Ego is larger than anger!

 9:00 AM
At work!
Checks phone!
Lots of other messages from many other friends, wishing her a good day!

Not him!

What is wrong?
Was she being too pushy and pushed him away?
Was it something she said?
She checked her phone again to see the message she had sent. It was a playful message as usual, the kind he liked….
Was he busy talking to his ex-girl friend?? Was she back in his life again?

10:00 AM
In a meeting, furtive glances at the phone.
He is online, quickly sends him a short “hello, all well?”

11:00 AM
Over with meeting, can’t wait to check the phone for her messages.
He is still online, the two grey ticks dominate her sent messages.
Cannot focus on work now, should she call instead?

No, he is online, why should I, all it takes is a “hello am busy, will talk later”

12:30 PM
Lunch time, busy with friends and lunch out today,  an eye on the phone always…
Anxious, sad.

2:00 PM
Back at office, chatting with other friends.
Always an eye on his status.

3:30 PM
Depressed, upset, sure something is wrong, never has a day gone by without her messages blinking rapidly.

4:30 PM
Need a coffee to overcome this. 
Wraps up all the work halfheartedly and leaves home at 6:30 PM

Not in a mood to meet anyone or talk about what she feels, she heads to the closest book store.
Moody, upset, angry, can feel the heaviness in her heart and mind.
She thought he was her friend.

6:30 PM
Swallowing her ego, she tries his number, it rings.
Does not answer.
Now, the sadness fuels her anger.
It deepens.

She stops by at a department store, grabs something for a  quick dinner and rushes home.

8:15 PM
Refuses to check her phone.
She can hear the beeps coming in, but still holds on.
Anger and frustration built up inside her.

9:15 PM
Finishes her dinner, clears the kitchen and takes her phone.
No….Other friends have been sending messages, her groups have been active.
Still two grey ticks on the messages to him.
All other messages sent to other friends are now blue.

Last seen: 9:12 PM
Now, reasoning is lost, Pride is hurt.
She doesn’t need to have such a friend.
She deserved more than being ignored thus.
She was not wrong in wanting more from him.
He had always promised her more. So why should she be the one left wanting.
She had other friends.

She could live without talking to him.

9:58 PM
Quickly blocks him. No more thoughts!
Deletes his number next.
Clean cut!
 
10:02 PM
He realizes he misses talking to her.
Checks her online status, cannot see her last seen status, maybe she decided to not display that information.
Sends her a message, single grey tick.

11:00 PM
Single grey tick

12:03 AM
Single grey tick

6:30 AM
Single grey tick

8:15 AM
Tries calling her on his way to work.
Does not pick up.
Single grey tick

Salt and Pepper

Whoever said age is just a number, never did learn his counting!

My first white strand appeared soon after my 40th!
The one which was to be celebrated in Casablanca at Rick's cafe or eating Baklava in Turkey!
But I spent my post birthday worrying about color changes in front of my mirror.
Which of course contributed to increasing my by then several whites!

For a while I kept it a closely combed secret! Being blessed with lusciously thick otherwise jet black glossy hair, the few whites remained carefully hidden!
But I knew and a furtive search for more caused me to let my little secret out!
I had to take my little girls in confidence.
They too searched and alas were luckier than me! They found more stragglers where my eyes could not reach!!

I thought of good looking hunks read Milind Soman and his distinguished salt and pepper looks, Indira Gandhi and her dash of white, well they had already made a mark, I had a long way to go...
Hair dye? No.... That was for oldies... First signs of denial..
A new hairstyle to keep the secret well hidden... To cut my once below the butt hair even shorter than my now shoulder length seemed like sacrilege to me.
Henna... Reds the white, blackens the black.
So that's what I started doing

And upped my Amla intake!
And started working out like crazy to get back to "looking younger"

I am a worrier!
I worry for my own, you and yours!
I worried that my whites showed...
I saw my contemporaries sporting their whites and baldness and scanty hair with pride!
I heard them say how lovely and young I looked and wanted to know if I dyed my hair black!

I proudly said Au Naturel` and wondered if they did see my carefully tucked little secret blowing in the wind.

One year later and several numbers later I know my Black changes to White! There are no Grays! 

I suppose they are a symbol of my maturity, intellect and adds a dash of dignity!

I stopped crazy work outs and now run for fun! Am happy being me!

 I carry my whites with pride which tend to show up now and then.....like shining stars on a moonless sky!

Being Single

I have been single for more years than I was married.

But I have 2 big school going kids to show for that short marriage!

Many conversations with strangers and acquaintances leave them embarrassed and me wondering what is wrong with people!!

Many start thus with random strangers ( aka called kids’ friends’ parents)

She: You are Ak1’s mom?

Me: Yes and you are XYZ’s mom? I’m Shiromi.

She: Yes, can I have your number!!!!

Numbers exchanged ( Being popular girls’ mom gets my number asked more often than I get my number asked for being me!!!)

She: how does your daughter always manage to do well in everything, we always talk about her!

Me:  I am a strict mom (smiling, unsure how they would take the truth)

She: Do you work?

Me: Yes, am in HR

She: What about your husband?

Me: I don’t have one, am divorced!!

Silence! Conversation stopper!!!

She: I am sorry!

Me: Don’t be!!

The end!

He:  You are Ak2’s mom?

Me:Yes, You must be Abc’s dad! He takes after you!

He: Yes! I see you here at school for all functions, do you work?

Me: Yes, I work in a software firm.

He:  What about your husband?

Me: I’m divorced!

He: Mumbles something and looks at his phone looking for an escape!

Then there are the other kinds of people!! The ones who decide that their life sucks and yours rock!!

The ones who know you are single and have your parents with you.

She: how do you manage to stay so thin?

Me: It takes effort! I run

She: Oh, how do you find time?

Me: I make time, I wake up at 4:30 am to fit in running!

She: Oh, you are so lucky, I have to wake up to cook and get the children ready, how do you manage?

Me: My mother does the cooking, I have a cook to help with dinner as well.

She: Oh you are soo lucky, you have your mother to help! I have to do everything by myself!

Me: I pay a premium for the cook and cleaning girl to ensure my mom doesn’t have to struggle and pay a premium for the apartment which is 5 mins walk away from school!

She: Oh you are so lucky, your mother is there to supervise them!

Me: speechless!! 

I constantly hear people complain about having to live with parents/in-laws and not having their privacy, not able to go out for dinner, not  able to live their lives.

Did they ever wonder, if those same parents/in laws had wanted their privacy and asked them to leave home while growing up, what would they have done as kids?

I hear about spouses being nagging, not being considerate and how unhappy they are and how lucky I am that I get to live my life the way I want and wear what I want and go where I want.

Would they consider a divorce to earn that so called happiness they miss?

I hear “friends” say how lucky I am to have my parents with me and “not have to worry about anything”

Do they realize that they could too if they chose, but they choose not to!!!

I hear a lot about how marriage is such a pain and how they miss their freedom!!

I also get to hear about how I can “sleep around” while they are stuck to being monogamous!!!!!

I sometimes wonder if they say it to make me feel bad!!!

To all those who are the constant complainers and who think my life is “awesome” this is what I say:

“Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing” Ramakrishna Paramahansa. 

And of course

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TJ7tW3188o